Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
Desperate
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
No kinkshaming here
Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML
Food fight
Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
Yummy
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML
Top comments
karina_said 0
your boyfriend is a pussy
luvmybby062308 0
You should've told him you two would burn it off in a couple minutes(;
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Comments (154)
perdix 31
Yes, Alcestis, I would love to share with you the secret esoteric knowledge of my eating and exercise plan. The key is the amount of a substance you consume. My personal productivity is directly related to the sexiness of my partner. I'm thinking you might generate enough to be of concern. Limited spitting may be permitted to retain your sleek, nubile figure.;)
phishophobia 0
I would have licked your nipples
HeXr 22
Gay gay gay gay.... GAAAY!
Cletus_Vandam 0
he's definitely gay
bittersweet1 0
hunny, you need a new boyfriend
Peacemaker9 7
op u shouldve filled up ur pussy with it and if he still said no then hes gay
ratrodhoney 0
I'm sorry :(
Evan_R_D 0
Your boyfriend is lame, FYL you should dump him or tell him to stop being a deuche and lick your goddamn nipples before you spray whipped cream all over your body and rape him.
Marrach 7
What the .. I thought I was reading a normal comment , until you said rape him.
holt06 0
YDI for dating a gay guy.
kirk_hammett8 1
can i lick the whipped cream off your nipples Karina_said?!!!