Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted, "Nice to meet your dad, I hope we didn't look too horny." A few minutes later, he replied, "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML
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Top comments
MrKlutch 1
Plenty of time
Just_ol_Kole 0
Apparently your boyfriend's sister isn't the only one hearing those strange zombie noises coming from the bedroom...
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Comments (127)
MrKlutch 1
Plenty of time
Miss_Kristen 10
What's with all these people having sex at their parent's house??
MrKlutch 1
**** block central
Pentium_4 27
yeah, 4 minutes to spare
stevieb123 7
Yo where in nj
KaanTech 0
Op's father is a hero
berichsoon 11
Hero who might turn to a monster when she comes home and tells him,, dad remember that quickie we were laughing about the other day, well it got me pregnant
lilpowers 3
Plenty of time for a ****.
UnleashedKilla1 4
Super troll dad.
bunnixbrutality 5
Forget going upstairs, theres a perfectly good bathroom or side room... hell go outsode if your that horny! haha
megan_lovee 0
dad knows best.
ycrem0n 21
*looks at your profile* I sure hope your dad knows what's best too
megan_lovee 0
he does, thanks anyway.
ComTlancy 12
At least the father isn't so uptight about sex. That's a definite bonus.
ItsPersonal 6
Your 14 and you say "you know you want me" on your profile? Aren't you a little young to say things like that or even think like that? -.-
berichsoon 11
21, That's a lie, your clothes are in the corner of the pic, the ones you had on when you left the house so your dad wouldn't think you going out with a short black dress
SweetlyPsycho 4
25- She is practicing her future job at an early age, so by the time she is 18 she will be known as the number one ****/ ***** on the streets.
taco_bender 12
Well you guys are picking on a 14 yr old. Good job guys.
afdude87 6
2s real name is Chris Hanson.
Dracoboxer357 36
26- Or, judging by the other mirrors and tiny rooms in the picture, she was simply trying the dress on at a department store change room, and took a picture of it because she liked how it looked. ;) And just because her father wasn't in that picture, doesn't mean he didn't know she went shopping for a dress. Little quick to label her a liar so fast, no? :)
Birdie_Sage 0
Wow, bullying a 14 year old is not cool, she can do whatever she wants, If you know her parents then do something about it.
auzz1_pride 9
25) did it ever cross your mind that she would be teasing creepers or did it just for the fun of it? come on guys no one wants to have 2+ father figures.
laden_swallow09 35
17 - He may… she just doesn't listen.
nowthenagain10 8
*also looks at profile* How do you function, 2? Clearly your over-dramaticized view of your "cool" spelling skills and hotness is affecting how these people, myself included, look at you. Yes, were judging. Come back when youre boobs grow in.
nowthenagain10 8
He/She who hesitates is lost. So I see no issue with their points of view :)
DuffleBagHero 4
Your dress in your picture, IMO looks a little trampy. Try an spice it up with some accessories.
megan_lovee 0
you guys have no right to judge how I dress or act. no one knows my story and the fact that my dads not even in the picture. who wants people judging you where ever you go? I'm sick of people judging me. they never for away. so I'm sorry if my picture was to revealing for everyone. also, no one knows what, where, or who the dress was for, right? well maybe people should shut their mouths before they ask questions.
caberon 7
Amen Gurl...! Just be cautious and safe in Anything you do or say... People shall always judge themselves and have concrete grounds to make a statement. Well, that's what smart, mature, people should do... Haha =P
taco_bender 12
Then she explodes.
Azula272 14
The pic is cute. But it's kinda obvious that if you put your age, a dress pic, and yu know yu want me. In an Internet profile...the trolls/creepers will come. Such is the interwebs
urdirtyolduncle 15
I don't know about you guys, but I'd tap that. Seriously, though, she's right. You people are just making up stories of her family, morals and intentions based on a picture. Don't you guy have something better to do? Like, comment on the FML.
megan_lovee 0
yeah, theirs plenty of other people my age doing worse things, go pock on them
berichsoon 11
Welcome to reality people are going to judge you either you like it or not, It's just the world we live in. you don't wanna be judged don't put/say something that's gonna catch everyone's attention
megan_lovee 0
okay, number 1 the dress was for a winter dance in which I also had white leggings and a shoulder jacket...I took the picture to send to my mom who wanted to see it. I didn't go anywhere with only the dress. so how about people stop assuming things.
MizzErikaHart 8
Does yours?
danivolley64 10
i highly doubt it.. eesh
cessily 8
Wise dad
MrKrustyKrab 0
Your boyfriend must be feeling the heat.
iLoveher61711 0
^Stale.
Jkolbly 11
Denied.
Just_ol_Kole 0
Apparently your boyfriend's sister isn't the only one hearing those strange zombie noises coming from the bedroom...
SluggerJ 7
Wrong FML... lol
TheDrudgeChild 4
No, it's in the context of this FML, she's jest referencing another one. She's saying the dad hears "zombie noises" too as he knows they have sex at the house. Which, by the way, sex at a parent's house is idiotic.
jwidmayer 4
Read the original post before commenting , idiot
JudgeTroll 6
61- Read the FML right below this one, idiot. FML, not comment
Just_ol_Kole 0
JudgeTroll - It's like they have forgotten what linking FML's means.
warfighter1775 5
I thumbed you up for your picture
EatMare 8
Dad knows best.
Sienna420 4
You're so unoriginal.
auzz1_pride 9
lol ikr it's not like 2 didn't say that -.-
Birdie_Sage 0
House? It was better when the 13 year old said it.
jwidmayer 4
Wrong post moron. Try reading which post commenting on.
Dracoboxer357 36
59- Jwidmayer, are you deliberately trolling here? The last two comments you made on this fml, you're labeling people idiots and morons and yet, it's you're like doing it for not understanding the comments and/or context yourself. :p The earlier zombie comment above: yes, he knew it wasn't this fml post, it's called flashback humour for making a past, related reference, and everyone else here, got it. This House comment here: The guy wasn't talking about the other OP's limping like House post, he was referring to the profile picture of House from the guy that made a comment that the 14 girl, Megan, stated earlier here. So please, try to realize that you aren't actually all that brilliant, the rest of us aren't dullards, do yourself a favour , and reread (and intellectually contemplate!) the bloody dialog before opening your mouth! I beg of you! It's unbelievably painful to watch you constantly prove your own self-reflecting insults! ;( (I mean all of this in the upmost respectful manner.) ;) Cheers.
pokefan813 16
30 - the irony.
wittygirl 8
Cocked blocked by your daddy. For shame D:
C94_ 0
Definitely blockage
lilpowers 3
Or bondage…
lowshadows 21
I just wana quickie, not bite marks no scratches, no hickies if you can't get with that mommy get with me..someone finish the chorus...
misshighjinks 5
I don't wanna be loved, i don't wanna be loved, i just want a quick fix up in your mix miss i have you addicted Haha couldnt resist, i love that song :)
j_cat187 20
Challenge accepted
Thompsonwccs 2
damnit, you beat me to it!