Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted, "Nice to meet your dad, I hope we didn't look too horny." A few minutes later, he replied, "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML
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Top comments
MrKlutch 1
Plenty of time
Just_ol_Kole 0
Apparently your boyfriend's sister isn't the only one hearing those strange zombie noises coming from the bedroom...
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Comments (127)
Birdie_Sage 0
How 'bout talking to your boyfriend for a change, then after dinner you could do whatever you want. DUUUUUUH.
auzz1_pride 9
it's good that your father isn't too uptight about you having sex. Instead he did the responsible thing and told you not to have a quickie with family members in the house, especially since dinner was nearly ready don't want to come downstairs and your boyfriend smelling of ****.
shinshoku13 19
A **** is a raped ****** so i hope her boyfriend never smells like ****... Or any guy for that matter
laden_swallow09 35
Where'd THAT definition come from?
princessmollysue 9
Lol
DaMachk 11
Stating the truth dad... wins :) You're just FMLing, because he ****-blocked you.
krewer21 1
Hahaha! Dad was out to make you wince and cringe! That man has an awesome sense of humor!
swedeNix 13
Haha cool dad:)
luccmon 6
At least dads got a sense of humor...
lstrawberrycake 12
Major **** block.
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Captain Obvious: General Comment, on Private Parts. ;)
perdix 31
What your dad meant is that you MAY NOT have a quickie. You could have replied, "With this two-pump chump, I CAN have a quickie and 4-1/2 minutes to shower and get dressed for dinner!"
OhDearBetrayal 25
Can does not only translate to "are you able to." Sorry for pointing it out but ignorance is a hard thing to look past.
perdix 31
Ignorance?!?!? "Can" does mean "to be able to" if you are speaking English with any precision. If you are speaking the junked-up language where "literally" is a general intensifier and anything one notch superior to average is "awesome," then I guess you are right -- "can" can mean anything you ******* want it to mean!
OhDearBetrayal 25
Alright I know when to take that I've made a mistake. This ones yours sir.
perdix 31
I'm not wrong. There are grammarians who insist that can (to be able) is distinct from may (to be permitted to), even though the modern usage lets them be used interchangeably. The old school way was more clear, and you could easily express different meanings unambiguously. Modern English is literally awesome!
jwidmayer 4
That's awesome. You have been **** blocked by pops.
julz91 3
Dad's a boss!