Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MsSoulReaper 27
If I had a penis I would so try that.
n_epic_fail 14
No you're just an airhead
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (167)
babyyninjas 1
you hurt
kalikay_fml 2
you take baths together?!? thats just wrong on so many levels! chastity people! chastity!!
iamverybored0001 0
WTF...
bubo_fml 11
Imagine what fun you could have @ bathtime! "Rise up to periscope depth! Prepare to break the surface! Hold all depth charges! Prepare to enter the slip! May day! May day! We've been hit! We're goin' down!"
MexicanObama 15
I wish mine would float...
FozzyBear1234 4
Maybe mine will!
humorizer 14
@99: Your guarantee is a bluff. I can't float. I've tried, but everytime I've gone into a pool, I've ended up sinking to the ground and walking my way out again. I can "super jump" thanks to the increase in buoyancy, but over a short period of time I float back down.
graham11 14
137- if you hold your breath and increase the volume of air in your lungs, you will most definitely float. I'm not saying you will float just like a raft, but you shouldn't sink. Trust me.. I'm a swimmer.
humorizer 14
And I've tested the theory of human buoyancy everytime I've been near a pool. Just doesn't work for me.
MickMitch 0
OMG I'm so trying this!!!
graham11 14
142- don't quit your day job...