Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML
Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML
Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML
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Top comments
FMLshark 12
Sounds like the same boyfriend who wanted to test water displacement in the bathtub with his girlfriend.
rncannon 18
I would have been pretty excited anyway. Iguanas are cool.
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Comments (123)
MagicStallion 9
Why are you so desperate? Chill out and enjoy the iguana!
bizarre_ftw 22
What are you complaining about? I'd love it if my bf got a lizard!!! Besides, you can always have sex once you get there Plus I'd count my self lucky if I were you, "play with my lizard" is such a bad euphemism I'd probably flick my bf in the ear then facepalm if he used it (in that order), be happy he isn't pathetically corny enough to say something like that and mean it
b3llalooove 3
Oh get over it OP
mandy123352 0
I would have done that too
Metallica36176 16
Can't you do both?
88vivera 9
That was bound to happened
jennifernorvell 7
RuYou were THAT excited over sex? You know girls can have that anytime they want
Betterthink4 6
Why you always ASSUMIN?
gallopinghorses 3
Who wouldn't be excited Iguanas are cool.
Fisheyedfool7 2
You shouldn't told him you thought he meant the one eyed dragon. Your bf is broken.