Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML
Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML
Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML
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Top comments
FMLshark 12
Sounds like the same boyfriend who wanted to test water displacement in the bathtub with his girlfriend.
rncannon 18
I would have been pretty excited anyway. Iguanas are cool.
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Comments (123)
FMLshark 12
Sounds like the same boyfriend who wanted to test water displacement in the bathtub with his girlfriend.
TurtleSmile 14
This girl should perhaps take her boyfriend more literally.
AbstraktThoughts 13
Or she can stop assuming that everything a guy eludes to has to do with sex?
LMFAOwned 9
A lizard is a strange way to describe his dong anyway, but FYL OP.
doctorhook86 25
32: I don't know what you're talking about. My penis is green, scaly, cold, and grows up to 1.5 meters long, doesn't yours?
innavoiG 9
Sheldon Cooper returns! But seriously OP, who calls their dick a lizard?
redcyph 3
Nice shark pic
Tragichero92 12
Maybe OP confused it with "Hey want to play with my wizard?"
CaptainDoorknob 7
32 - Well people do sometimes say they need to "drain the lizard".
Iniezian 18
Sorry, I know what you're thinking, but it can't be the same person making stuff up. Water displacement girl lives in Maryland, USA, Iguana girl lives in New Brunswick, Canada.
njgohard 16
41-Actually, mine has this weird flare at the end, and every girl dropped dead after 5 days of agonizing pain.
VaultDweller106 7
You're a lizard Harry!
DCvRkey2012 7
I'm a what? :)
PinkieKeen 20
Also sounds like the guy who got aroused from a chipmunk running around in his pants.
CaptainDoorknob 7
111 - Wasn't it a gerbil?
CastielJ 6
Wow?!? You don't like Igunas?
Feared 9
Probably not inside of her.
XTheDesertSongX 17
17...What? What?
Farfalo 3
What the **** is an Iguna?
Randomoscity 0
He means iguanas.
thisgirlysfml 2
Well what were you expecting?;)
mmmPoptarts 6
A penis.
hotshot2626 9
Hopefully his actual penis has less bumps...
zandalee 20
Oh I don't know about that... A girl could have a lot of fun with a bumpy penis...
FMLshark 12
Genital warts don't sound all that fun, 23.
zandalee 20
I meant a ribbed condom. Lol
tne201992 12
Ripped condom? How is that even funny?
FlyingFucker 6
#23 you have a bumpy penis?
Szaszaspasz 26
"Ribbed."
gabbyed 2
"ribbed for her pleasure eeewwwww" lol
rncannon 18
I would have been pretty excited anyway. Iguanas are cool.
Teyros 24
If only all women were excited about that!
youjustmademelol 4
i think calling manly parts a lizard sounds a little gross and wouldnt at all be a turn on.. thats my veiw as a girl
annie_nk 23
That's a new one. How many euphemisms are out there?
KiddNYC1O 22
Lost count.
andriy_fml 0
Tell him you want him to come over and play with your cat... That'll teach him lol
JAB2010 1
What if she doesn't have a cat, though? (And borrowing one would just be silly)
domking1315 20
Everbody! I give you Buuuzzzz Killington!!
gc327072 31
*canned applause*
JAB2010 1
Wasn't being a 'buzzkill', just a realist. Big difference. :)
loloalltheway 23
This is not a fml....
Doortje 30
And yet it's on the FML website.
Mekeritrig 15
Iguanas are cool.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
for some reason, I read your comment in Butthead's voice. It made it so much better. ;)
KogMaw 6
All lizards are amazing. If I had a boyfriend, and he had an Iguana, I'd probably spend more time with the Iguana...
your_ma 27
Maybe that's why you don't have a boyfriend.. Also why don't you just buy one yourself..?