Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML
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Top comments
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Wear a chastity belt next time and scream," YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
Roguedork19 8
No, this is Patrick. O.o
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Comments (201)
CMC_LOVES_MGM 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Did you kick him back and Yell No this is!
cash_raj 5
your comment is bad and you should feel bad
agsilver 14
Hear hear
verkaderk 9
Fail
weveevee 3
No it should have been "no, this is Patrick!" And pull him off.
pedopears 18
you should say: " Noy so fast, Cortana says you're greek, so stick this foot up in your ass" and then start rap XD
jemmers 13
Holy Crap! I'd hurt my husband of he ever did that right after sex. Come up with a way to get him back. That has to be answered!
Beeftinkle 13
This new fml on iphone is weird, never gonna get used to this!
Looee 20
Good for you beeftinkle :)
jesustitts 20
I agree I'd hurt my husband too, but this made me laugh pretty hard. Just imagining it, but had it been me, 38 weeks pregnant, I'd beat his ass. This just calls for revenge. Get him good, but not after or during sex. That's expected.
ImaSnowman 2
Your bf is a boss
igive 29
You should tell him that's not the role-playing you had in mind.
TweetAnne 13
WTF is wrong with him? What happened to normal sex?
subwaysurfers 13
Idk, maybe he thinks it's different so 'it spices things up'...... Or he's a moron.
robbilee 14
It got boring so couples decide to spice it up a bit
brand2017 9
There is no normal, only zule >.>
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Wear a chastity belt next time and scream," YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
IOmnomHard 10
This comment..Tears of joy. Hats off to you, sir. :')
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Thank you. :)
astralvagan 20
That is one of the best comments I have ever seen!
brittanyrmh_ 12
Let's all just take a moment to appreciate 5's comment
Pleonasm 36
"You have my sword" "and you have my bow" "And MY thumbs up"
Carlitosfmc 18
Hahaha excellent comment!
purplmurpl 5
This is amazing plus your username is hilarious
ichliebekekse 11
One does not simply make an amazing comment.
wlddog 14
There shouldn't even be other comments after #5, because no one else is going to top it.
False_Stupidity 42
Epic comment, definitely one of the all time best.
Werken247 14
Definitely best comment ever! I'll be laughing all day! Thank you #5!
iCdnCHRIS 6
Idiot.
LemonLolly 10
You just made my day with your comment!
jenshu 5
Omg I love you
license2chill 5
I added this FML to my favorites because of this comment. You sir, are a genius.
thepunman 11
Inb4 a thousand likes
BGosh 3
That was brilliant. :')
octaviamarieb 18
that is beautiful..
Warm_Apple_Pie 21
I understand that one is from 300 and the other is from Lord of the rings, but both are Epic Rap Battles of History references. :3
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
This is my proudest FML comment.
Mech1989 13
EPIC!!!
subwaysurfers 13
Hahhaha, your picture!
dswomi 12
Haha, yours
Anubis_81 21
FYL. I still laughed tho.
woainishamu 21
After he was done spearing you?
Altar_fml 2
Boyfriend: Oh yeah... I'm gonna.. -insert your own imagination here- OP: Madness... This is madness! Boyfriend: THIS.. IS.. SPARTA!!!!
sarah6786 14
This....is.....dumb.
ropeandneck 7
fus roh da !
Roguedork19 8
No, this is Patrick. O.o
razbery_nerd 4
Fuqq yes! :P
154rct 7
SPARTANS! Tonight we dine in the Krusty Krab
CharresBarkrey 16
81 - What the **** is "fuqq?" Can you really not say "****?" But you're okay with homonyms?