Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for for his birthday in a couple of days. He replied "to be single" and walked out of the room. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I need one

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

Plans shelved

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

Today, the guy I've been dating said we couldn't see each other anymore because he needed to focus on his career. He's unemployed. FML