Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldn’t find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, my sister and brother in law went on holiday, so my 3 year-old nephew is staying with me while they’re gone. He walked in on me and my boyfriend while he was eating me out. It’s been an hour and he won’t stop crying. FML
Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, “I need to check something down there.” I asked what but he just smiled and showed me the piece of gum he was chewing. He took a look and left to get the scissors. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML
Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Timmytwofinger 0
how the **** are you supposed to have fun with numbing lotion? thats like non-alcoholic beer.
ALQ_fml 13
Numbing lube is bad. You tear something, and you won't be able to feel it until later. Pain is a signal to your brain to let you know if you need to change what you're doing. Also, how'd your nephew get it?
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Comments (45)
Timmytwofinger 0
how the **** are you supposed to have fun with numbing lotion? thats like non-alcoholic beer.
cparrenas 3
it's supposed to make the dude last longer or some shizt
shanemaximo 7
Damn. That seems like it would kinda defeat the purpose.
ALQ_fml 13
Numbing lube is bad. You tear something, and you won't be able to feel it until later. Pain is a signal to your brain to let you know if you need to change what you're doing. Also, how'd your nephew get it?
KhaleesiKitten 14
It's more for relaxing the gag reflex when giving head. trust me I know, I have a really bad gag reflex.
elfknight 0
Sorry, that's not F***ed up, it's just funny.
djskype 0
who was going to watch the kid while you two were going at it?
Wileypube 0
Why would a lube be flavored AND numbing? I could understand scented and numbing, but otherwise you're asking for this very situation. I was going to call BS until I found hundreds of flavored, numbing lubes on Amazon.com alone. Wtf?
sovietkiwi 0
Lol
sovietkiwi 0
Lol
DeadPixel4 29
They even sell flavoured soap.
KK3137 31
Flavoured so the head-giver's gagging reflex is relaxed and they have a good taste in their mouth..
Raceta 5
Flavoured and numbing is heaps weird! lol
pdoom 0
More like F HIS L
kloklo_fml 0
thats not even bad its not like he knows what it is... and if u lie to him everything is better so adults dont find out... u ******* brat this is not a topic of disaster
kiwichick 0
Flavoured and numbing...heh, ummm, maybe they were planning on going ass2mouth afterwards? :P
SxBxLova 0
I wonder how it tasted o.o
model4life 0
I am guessing bubblegum but that's just a wild guess
Boomi 39
Pffft. Some people should read a tad bit more carefully, but I loved your response.