Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words, "You're fired." FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML
Today, during a long flight, I tried to discreetly pass gas. Instead, I misjudged the pressure and ended up making a loud noise that everyone around me seemingly heard. To make matters worse, the flight attendant asked if everything was OK. Now I’m probably remembered as "Farts on a plane." FML
Today, for some reason, I called my boss "Mum" in a meeting. To make it worse, I panicked and followed it up with, “Can I have a raise?” Everyone laughed except my boss. FML
Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML
Today, I gave my boss a nickname. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately, "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML
Today, while not feeling well at work, I had to finish up some papers. I was so out of it, I couldn't remember how to spell my name. I had to improvise by pronouncing each syllable of my name out loud. My boss now thinks I'm a dumbass. FML
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Top comments
LegalLoitering 12
You poor Bastard
uniformed 13
Wow well that's unfortunate. at least you bring laughter to the world. haha
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Comments (67)
LegalLoitering 12
You poor Bastard
mannatee 19
That is literally the author
festegg 6
Son of a bitch you stole my idea
evilscorpi 29
annoying
brenton490 19
Could of been way worse. I knew a guy his first name was Duchon his last name was Mandic.
GenH2105 14
*Could HAVE
NatsuD_fml 13
Is he from South Carolina?
uniformed 13
Wow well that's unfortunate. at least you bring laughter to the world. haha
WadeNickerson 16
What's your first name?
MidnaLink 35
Doc.
edward80 18
Poor
OBTrice 15
Fat
thatgirlinoregon 21
Harry.
davincidasecond 24
Inglorious.
MrDonSalvetti 27
Innocent.
enddmd 27
Richard
weswheatley 14
Dirty
shanannygians07 28
Stinky
jerryj 27
Smelly
Epikouros 32
Alan.
MRVOlivia 22
Jon
LinERideR 6
Rat.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
C-C-C-CODE BREAKER !!
madeline9322 17
Ahh, beat me to it #20
badluckalex 23
its C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER not code breaker...
scarman_fml 14
Unfortunate
kay131 12
Effin
graceface1031 7
Filthy
lovethenumber13 14
Ellen Degeneres' cousin, Ellen DeBastard.
amansingh 8
Falken. ...Falken Bastard!
amisenho 11
Action
tralulilulalala 20
Snow
Dumbledora 9
First name, Doc?
ryanthecheeseguy 18
I'm just looking forward to when he comes back.
MidnaLink 35
Oh? You didn't see his new post? I nearly died laughing at one line.
DocBastard 40
I'm DocBastard, and I approve of this comment.
DontClickOnMe 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow, I've never heard that last name before. If it bothers you so much though, why don't you change it?
thevelociraptor 31
I don't know why #6 is getting down voted. I've legally changed my last name. It's a pain in the ass and expensive, but worth it!
DontClickOnMe 28
Probably because when someone is thumbed down, everyone else thinks they also have to do it, but whatever. I don't really care lol.
lexiieeex3 32
My elementary school teacher's last name was "Dick" before she legally changed it to "Dee" so I feel you.
siberianhamster 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI if it bothers you. Why not change it?
KaneHunter 22
Maybe he can't change it since that costs a large amount of cash
gracehi 33
I think it would be worth the expense changing a name like that, even if he has to save up for years or go into debt.
anormalperson 25
How do you deserve to have a last name that bothers you?
clemscott 10
It doesn't even cost that much. Only like $100 and something
RedPillSucks 33
That's a lot of money for some people
SkyDog 9
It cost me a little over $1000USD. A $470 Clerk filing fee, plus I had to run the name change in the papers for 4 weeks to see if anyone would contest the change. Then there are all those little fees to changing your ID, cards, etc.
tanabanana13 14
Someone shouldn't have to change their own name because of other people's immaturity. I'm surprised by the number of, "if it bothers you, change it!" comments because it's not an ugly sweater, you know. It's OP's name...he/she was born with it. Your name represents your family, and it represents yourself. You might even like it. So why would you change it? How many people have had their names made fun of in their lives? How many people have unfortunate names that are easy to make fun of, like Harry or Dick, for example? Are we all gonna go pay out the butt to have our names changed to avoid situations like these? That's a classic example of throwing money at our problems. I hope OP took it in stride and had a good sense of humor about it. If not, I'm genuinely sorry that OP has to live with other people's immature behavior. Don't change your name if you like it. You deserve to keep your own name!
sayyestothedress 24
Are you a bastard child?
jojimugo 20
That would make him a bastard bastard
worldclassrager 41
I am so glad you told us your name this made my day
tony1891 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
sounds like your parents were real proud of you.
domolovesyoshi 33
You do realise that they have the same last name.
CharismaGeek 19
That was kind of inconsiderate of them to laugh. Laughing at someones name is preschool level. FYL OP.
SMHsohard 22
Kind of like laughing at a funny word like "peacock"? As someone who has been guilty of finding inappropriate humor in various situations, I can tell you, sometimes it just happens. Granted, there are times to be discrete when you find something funny, but if you keep your inner child totally reined in, when you get older you're going to need surgery to remove that stick from your ass.
NeatNit 33
All of humanity is preschool level. Get used to it.
geekbuscus 19
I'm ashamed to say I'm guilty of it. I had to call over the radio for an order to be brought up for Dong Wang (his real name). I made it through the first time ok but when the guys in the warehouse asked me to repeat it a laugh spilled out. I apologized profusely to the guy but thankfully he was cool about it.
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe people thought it was a phone prank, Like "phone call for Amanda Huginkis"