Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said, "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML
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Top comments
Rawr6591 21
That's a red flag
angelofsaturn 23
I'd sleep with a machete from now on.
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Comments (92)
SynysterNero 20
Time for a new boyfriend.
NudeSuitSquad 7
Dont worry now that yoiu know you can plan and get to him first.
Smoxxii 17
Run.
Jump524 1
You should have gotten her a glass of hot water then.
sonnyrosa 32
I can't really speak for anyone else, but... I think that might be a deal breaker
emmingle 24
Such a ******* awesome movie.
WaBrewer 11
An important part of a relationship is to be friends. Friends also know so much about each other that they hate each other to an extent. Ipso facto, he really loves you to crack that kind of joke. I hope...
amyd515 3
RUN!!!!!
heyitsamu 2
KatjaM 15
I say that all the time to my husband, but I don't really mean it. Maybe it's because we both have a morbid sense of humor? I'm sure he was only kidding though. Just tell him to be sure not to sleep ever again, or you'll kill him in his sleep.