Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said, "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML
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Top comments
Rawr6591 21
That's a red flag
angelofsaturn 23
I'd sleep with a machete from now on.
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Comments (92)
Cazz91 21
Well isn't he charming.
doodieman 9
Don't even trip, you think he'd be with you if he wanted you dead?
Whatapuffchild 23
hes got a nice sense of humor..right?
eddieray313 4
Funny
kindlarry 7
C'mon. If this isn't a "you deserved it", what is?
Myo_fml 20
He's only serving his country under the declaration of the new founding fathers...
DJ_Lyons 15
Don't ask questions that you do not want the answers to.
omgomgomg_NO 13
Get. Out. Now.
SMHsohard 22
This is what happens when you go fishing for sympathy. Of course he was going to give you that answer. Personally, I think it was pretty funny, and probably the same answer I would give to that stupid question.
graphicstyle7 17
She wasn't "fishing for sympathy". She was just asking a question about the Purge. She never said "but you'll defend me to the death, right?" or any such crap like that. She was just asking about the MOVIE. Re-read what she posted, and stop being so snippy.
SMHsohard 22
Gee, someone ate big ol' helping of indignation this morning. Of course she was fishing, for something, be it sympathy, a compliment, hug, whatever. Now, knowing that The Purge is a MOVIE (your caps), I doubt this was a pivotal point in their relationship. It was, however, an "ask a silly question, get a silly answer" moment. And I'll say it again; I would have given the same answer to my husband; OP's boyfriend has great comedic timing.
MissyMiss5 13
You're a dumbass for thinking she was "fishing" for anything. Have you ever heard of having a conversation with your spouse! If the purge was real I'd go after someone with power and help save the country :) for the greater good of course!
98capecod 9
Was the movie good?
xxblmpknxx 10
In my opinion, no. It had a wonderful concept, but was very poorly executed.
gemstone586 12
Imo, it would've made a great action movie, but instead it was very predictable. Much like Crash. :/