Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said, "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, the cops had to be called while my boyfriend and I were hanging out with some friends of ours. It all started when one of them said that he would kill himself if I didn't "just end your fucking relationship already, and date me instead." FML
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Top comments
Rawr6591 21
That's a red flag
angelofsaturn 23
I'd sleep with a machete from now on.
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Comments (92)
CookieLovesBoo 16
o_o well that sounds like a great guy to be with . Lol I asked my boyfriend he said all the assholes that tried to mess with you
earphones21 2
Is the movie good?
Jial1796 6
I'm gonna call b.s. here and say he was MOST LIKELY kidding around
TVKill3r 15
It was sarcasm and if you can't see that then FYL for being a blind moron.
IsRaeliPrinCess 8
For your sake I hope he was kidding if not dump him
simsgirlgem 25
I'd use that as a reason to dump him I mean I rather be single then wonder if my partner kill me in my sleep
shakadoo 10
Keep one eye open when you sleep
Kc1001 14
maybe you should check his sense of humor of leave him.
AndyKeselogano 8
I would avoid him.
fantasyworld 39
I'd get out of that relationship.