Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Panic!
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
It's sus
Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML
Hot and humid
Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML
You probably do
Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML
Thanks!
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML
That was quick
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Top comments
rgri 11
Try to convince him to wear a condom everytime he takes a nap, just to be safe.
ipierson 5
This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
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Comments (127)
ipierson 5
This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
agreed. sperm is worthless once it comes in contact with oxygen.inform him so he can rest in peace op.
MrSassypants 34
Sperm isn't necessarily worthless once it had contact with air. If it is celebrity sperm crazy fans will buy that shit quicker than.... ummm.... something that goes pretty quick, but not too quick.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I once had a wet dream. And in that wet dream I had sexual relations with a giant Cyclopes. She used me as her *****.. My full body too, since you know.. She was a giant Cyclopes. I don't know why that happened, and I don't know what it means. All I know is that giant Cyclopes are sexy as hell!
Ragefat 14
I see you don't talk to a lot of people...
rockstar362 8
Everyone's making fun of him for being far too worried, but considering the amount of guys that don't care if the girl gets pregnant and leaves her with a baby and basically ruins her life... I think him worrying like that is sweet. Maybe he's a hypochondriac or maybe he's a little thick headed or both but he sure has a heart
Bigfabthetruth52 22
His Ignorance runs deep,does he not know the difference between semen and urine?
animalxcrackers 20
@106, there's a difference between wetting the bed and a wet dream...
Wakachulak 22
I think the guy who thought girls pee out of their butts still trumps this guy.
science-teacher 15
Haha #106
minna97 14
Sounds like he might need The Talk again
JocelynKaulitz 28
The birds and the bees…
Ambient25 25
Ohhh that's the talk. At first I thought #2 was referencing the Theory of Quantum Superposition and the attributes of Laissez-faire. Thanks #23!
xxshukakuxx 9
or he needs to take a biology class
Sports_guy3 28
Don't forget health.
hunts19ketchup 23
Sounds like he never got the talk in the first place...
MzZombicidal 36
Geez, how wet was his dream?!
rgri 11
Try to convince him to wear a condom everytime he takes a nap, just to be safe.
DJisHere11 19
That if he even knows what a condom is.
DJisHere11 19
*That's
zomgbies 17
Its probably best to keep him from reproducing....
mallu86 9
I think he already knows that.
DaMann360 19
You guys keep railing on OPs boyfriend. Did it ever cross your mind that maybe she gets hurt everytime you insult her boyfriend? Be nice to the poor guy.
Ambient25 25
Your boyfriend is incredibly immature. He might think a girl can get pregnant from kissing too...
BlackPowderMedic 5
Keep in mind, they could BOTH be children.
Kalipczo 21
If he touched his dick and didn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom there could be sperm on his fingers and he could wipe his lips so when he kisses his gf the sperm could get on her mouth and punch its was down her esophagus, using mucous as a shield, and just truck right past her organs, through her stomach and right into the Fallopian tube and she happens to be ovulating. Bam. Pregnant.
Ambient25 25
How many hands have you shaken or doors have you touched? I guarantee you a cold witch titty one of them wasn't clean. And I haven't seen you on Maury, so your argument is invalid.
sabrinalynn22 19
I really hope you're not serious. If you are, you need to go back to sex ed with op's boyfriend.
MrSassypants 34
29, what 25 said was completely serious. It is actually possible and quite common; it happens to me at least twice a week. Sometimes three or four on certain occasions. im @ hooge slot lol
jazzy_123 20
6, Kissing AND holding hands has a higher risk of pregnancy than just kissing.
Edumcg 24
Any time soon, OP's boyfriend will be the new Bubble boy.
luckyone365 7
25: Not funny. That happened to my girlfriend back in 'Nam. Damn, those were some crazy times.
vipirius 18
25. Still a better love story than Twilight.
AxNxNxIxEx12 7
Maybe he said that to cover up the fact that the dream wasn't about you
Ins0mau 20
How the heck would she even find out?!
Rizzen 27
your boyfriend is stupid D:
Ambient25 25
the obvious strikes again
Rizzen 27
and so does the douche bag apparently
Ambient25 25
If it's because I point out the obvious then yes.
iknowiwantyou 13
you must be dating a clueless virgin. how adorbz.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Really? Adorbz?
iknowiwantyou 13
It's totes adorbz.
Ambient25 25
^ This is how you talk when you have clothing fabric in your genes
iknowiwantyou 13
huh
xnyletak 17
Wait, that's not how it works?!