Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML
Today, I walked into my boss’s office for a serious meeting. While I was talking, I felt something on my arm, looked down, and realized it was a giant spider crawling up my sleeve. I tried to casually shake it off without screaming, but I just ended up doing a bizarre, silent dance in front of my boss. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table, and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML
Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
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Top comments
sirsquab 12
Why do you hate spiders? Most of them are harmless and they kill mosquitoes and other bugs. They're quite helpful. Kidding. Seriously, **** spiders.
perdix 31
In this economy, you should be much more out-of-work-phobic, so sort your phobias out and deal with the little bug in the glass (and hope it doesn't escape, heh-heh-heh.) Or get some old lady to swallow it. I don't know why.
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Comments (118)
doby199 6
Hostile work environment
misty8996 0
I understand you pain; spiders are just creepy O.o
Locoluis 15
You share a desk with your job? FYL!!!
Cookiedough1987 4
Cover it's air holes and boom no more fluffy.
Levvy 22
If you ever meet someone with a phobia of something that you are, I assume you'll be perfectly okay with them murdering you for it, then. Let me go ahead and save you the trouble of replying. "No, I'm special! I don't count!"
mowmowlife 21
People kill spiders for tons of worse reasons. I don't see why of all things you go picking on a phobia over some random person killing a spider in their house. In fact, wouldn't it be better just to kill the spider rather than torture it in a glass jar for the rest of its powerless, deprived, glassy life? A fast death that would benefit the OP is better than prolonged torture. Shame on you. Life is about killing stuff to your advantage. It's everything that live's nature. Of course you try not to kill your own race or kill meaninglessly, but you gotta deal.
Levvy 22
"Life is about killing stuff to your advantage", except "your own race"? I don't think you should be calling for shame on anybody from underneath a Klan hood, Cletus. And by the way: If killing everyone but your own race's members to your advantage is the way of life, why are you boo-hooing over someone making facetious comments over it?
thundercloud363 10
I am horribly arachnophobic too... That sucks pp
mowmowlife 21
The top commenters don't seem to have a grasp of what a phobia is. It's a primal fear for their life/well being/feels like extreme danger for admittedly no reason. They can't just get over it or rationalize their body. It's true that some people use 'phobia' out of context, but the boss is lording their power over their employees and is extremely inconsiderate not to mention inappropriate. If I am going to assume that OP has an actual phobia and their boss is that much of a freak, they'd prefer to be out of a job.
sugoine 12
Okay, I'm deathly afraid of spiders, too. Tell numnuts boss to have some compassion and move spidery to a drawer while you use the desk or you will file an HR complaint-or, your spidey senses will get tingly & a baseball bat will accidentally find its way to something boss values
kittykat1501 31
It's FLUFFY not spidery
IPoopedOnU 12
When he's not looking violently shake the jar so the spider hits the sides and dies
imaginger1 4
Kill it once he leaves, and act clueless as your boss throughs a bitch fit.
Bludmagnus 13
Actually.. that is a form of workplace intimidation, and your boss can get in trouble for that.