Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML
Today, I walked into my boss’s office for a serious meeting. While I was talking, I felt something on my arm, looked down, and realized it was a giant spider crawling up my sleeve. I tried to casually shake it off without screaming, but I just ended up doing a bizarre, silent dance in front of my boss. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table, and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML
Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
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Top comments
sirsquab 12
Why do you hate spiders? Most of them are harmless and they kill mosquitoes and other bugs. They're quite helpful. Kidding. Seriously, **** spiders.
perdix 31
In this economy, you should be much more out-of-work-phobic, so sort your phobias out and deal with the little bug in the glass (and hope it doesn't escape, heh-heh-heh.) Or get some old lady to swallow it. I don't know why.
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Comments (118)
allplayedout 20
Sounds like a trip to HR is in order
zowieandzander77 1
Def go to HR that's harassment.
TisAPenguin 16
Is there a lid on the jar? I'm arachnophobic too, but if there's no way of the spider touching me I'm fine.
mbuck87 19
****, it's in a jar! Stop being a pussy
kdarkwood 15
You clearly don't understand crippling phobias. Phobias are a kind of extreme anxiety. You can't just "get over it." Idiot.
NurseAbi 10
Fyl OP, that sucks, if he does fire you, you can plead unfair dismissal.
charliewhippet 9
If it's in a jar without airholes, it will die anyway...
josiemorehouse 12
OP, I can totally relate. I'm severely arachnophobic and go into panic attacks when I see a spider. Luckily my family is sensitive to it. My co-worker didn't believe my fear was genuine. That was, until he threw a spider at me one day. I screamed, then spent 2 hours shaking and crying. He still feels bad about it, a year later. People, some fears are genuine and just can't overcome them at the drop of a hat. Phobias can be crippling. FYL, OP. Put up a barrier of a book on your side of the desk so you don't have to see the thing. It won't shield you from KNOWING it's there, but it will at least try to keep your mind off of the thing
Cainicide 5
Bump into him and make HIM knock if off
kittykat1501 31
Then it will be free
baileymarie102 6
I have the same phobia. At least it's in a jar...
KiddNYC1O 22
Spider haters forum... Op get a fake one, the real ones stand still most of the time. He won't notice. And if he does, tell him it turned to stone. If he's stupid he'll buy that.
FenrisFiasco 6
I'd freak too! Arachnophobia isn't something you just "deal with." I like spiders...in theory, but the senseless panic that happens when close to them is rather all consuming. Your boss is an ass for one: essentially killing the spider slowly and cruelly in that jar and two: using said cruelty to torment you. Lame op! Sorry!