Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Epic Boss Battle
Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML
Zing!
Today, I met my coworker's kids during a cookout. I joked to her eldest son that he was awfully short for a seventeen-year-old. He responded, "Well, you're awfully ugly for the town slut." Everyone laughed, including my boss. FML
Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML
Reviews
Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML
Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk
Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Nepo baby
Today, my dad got promoted and ended up as my boss. I thought I’d finally have a manager I get along with, who could maybe throw a few perks my way. Nope. Dad was very clear that he was going to be a complete bastard to me at work to make absolutely sure no one could accuse him of favouritism. FML
Look up here
Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML
Bad idea
Today, I brought my mom to my work’s annual party. She insisted on meeting my boss and introduced herself as my "very supportive, overly involved mother." To make it worse, she gave him a lecture about how I was “just too shy” to ask for a raise. My boss is now both confused and terrified. FML
Snarky
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
Top comments
Runninvegan 8
Your son needs to get his ass kicked pronto.
hopsinlove17 26
Hopefully your boss was able to tell your kid was being a douche...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (179)
justspin 7
Kids say the darnest things :)
48Connor 10
I don't support beating your kids, but if there was ever a moment where I would want to, this would be it.
IcedJesus 5
Bitches ain't shit - dr dre
IcedJesus 5
Bitches ain't shit - dr dre
silbot 11
You should have sent him to his room as soon as you figured out what his intentions were
xlord 27
I say charge your son for the costs of not having a promotion and being humiliated. Maybe sell his t.v./game consoles, no more allowance, etc and don't be afraid to get creative.
ColdplaySucks 18
If your 15 year old is saying shit like that with guests over, you've been raising him wrong. I suggest getting a bamboo or metal rod and beat the attitude out of him.
Futacy 30
Doesn't your son realize that your promotion can also benefit him?
1awliet 8
The kid's a dumb ass. Why would you try to stop your parent from getting a promotion?
patrickalamo 48
Apples and trees... Your lucky you still have a job.
fymother 13
If he's saying these things out of the blue, you should come back at him by telling your boss that your son has Tourette's
jordanlite 16
That's not how Tourette's works.
Dramori 29
Should have said to your son afterwards that you were going to get him a car or something as a surprise if you got that promotion but since he sabotaged it... That would make the turd think twice!
MDTeddy 13
Nobody should talk like that. His IQ points just got lower or if not then we not know they were low.
SanguineGuardian 2
I hate my generation so much.
FML12197 0
She/he (i didn't look) can find a better job at any time, trust me. That is a bit drastic for what happened. Don't expect a parent of the year anytime soon.
hopsinlove17 26
Hopefully your boss was able to tell your kid was being a douche...
guy24 9
Did he not want his dad to get a promotion? More money for him...
BeautyOfGrac3 6
That's kids. This is a teenage boy! op should smack that lil idiot
Runninvegan 8
Your son needs to get his ass kicked pronto.
fishergirl34 3
I would have killed him!!
Runninvegan 8
I zoomed in
Goldenchest 14
IWASAWA
LoveGuru69 0
numerous studies have showed that adults who were corporally punished as kids tend to have lower IQs and more anger/depression than those who weren't
ianbeef 11
Oh boy, teenage years suck for parents
onlychildFTW 34
My teenage years were/aren't bad for my parents. That is only mostly true, not always.
andyyroxx 20
97 - Well, seeing as though you don't have siblings to fight with, that's cut the opportunities for trouble by a good 40%.
anarchistpunk 3
Dude, i hate my teen years as the teen, not just from an anarchist perspective, but the way society is sucks. And most of my age group follows stupidly.
Valdrek 26
He has a point though, your son that is. :P
YoursTru1yXo 0
Why are earth would you agree with that....smh
Valdrek 26
Haha, I was just kidding. What is smh an acronym for?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
SMH = Shaking My Head.
YoursTru1yXo 0
Not funny he's 15 and says stuff like that...smh but I can't blame the parents it's who they hang with also
Valdrek 26
Thank you 21. I think OP's son was most likely singing song lyrics, sounds like rap to me at least.
Valdrek 26
YoursTruly, I see you're deciding on a new profile pic ;P
elletex 8
"SMH" is a thing that needs to go away.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
SMH can SMD. Wait, I'm a girl. Nevermind.
UmbreonKirby 14
Technically, girls do have dicks. They are just very small and called the clit. Biology ftw
omgalice 5
This is where the teenager stereotype comes from.
theslimshadylp 6
Looks like Snoop dog, or recently snoop lion, has just brainwashed more youth.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Actually, the "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks" line comes from a Dr. Dre song.
theslimshadylp 6
Actually it's a Dr. Dre song featuring Snoop Dog.
LilRob58 5
And it was just remade by that excuse of a rapper Tyga
eggmarie 25
Snoop Lion changed his name back to Snoop Dogg after like 24 hours because he was having an "identity crisis". I still laugh about it
Disobey_fml 13
No ,it was re made by a rapper called YG featuring Tyga and nypsey hussle
Hershey903 5
Beat his ass with a flip flop. That'll show him why you should shower.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Here comes all the posts about how shitty the generation is. Not all of us are like that. There's always going to be those few bad apples.
CCDNRGD81411 3
Assuming people will call your generation shitty makes your generation shitty
ripresno 10
She's not assuming that; there have been comments like that before.
CCDNRGD81411 3
And im referring to this particular FML. Not previous FML's
supportcommand 17
Every generation has its share of douche bag teens. It's just that there's more of them now thanks to the " don't spank your kids " bullshit. Spank the ********, take all his gadgets and shit away from him, and ground his ass.
amandajlucas2015 2
I personally don't believe grounding does a dang thing.. If anything it makes them try harder to outsmart u.. Whip or nothin taking away the cell phone is nothing they can just go get on a million other devices now a days
esines 9
That's why you take away their million other devices...
BatemanFML 0
67- Yeah, taking away materialistic things won't do shit. Take away a teenagers pride or dignity and they will get it. Too many parents nowadays just let their kids walk all over them. There's not a lot of respect for your elders any more. I only say this because I was one of those little assholes, and I regret it.
soccerchick800 10
Our generation is full of plenty of kids who walk all over their parents, show no respect or care for anyone other than themselves, and frankly need a good old fashioned butt whooping. Heck, go make THEM pick the switch from the tree, that's what my parents do and my brothers and I actually know how to act in public and how to treat others, especially our elders.
BatemanFML 0
81- Holy shit, the switches. When I was little, I used to go pick out the thickest ones. I had found out that the thicker ones hurt less against my ass. When my parents caught on, they would send me back until I had a super thin one. It sucked haha
thePr3da1i3nrulz 4
Haha if i was ever going to be punish i would just hope it was with my mom or dad instead of my grandma. She had her a special switch she was very fond of and im pretty sure it hurt worse than when mom or dad got the belt out haha
IcedJesus 5
All you people are saying 'take away his gadgets' and all that fun stuff. But if op had raised him right. There would be no need for this. Also what is he bought the stuff himself?
Brotha_Lou 5
I grew up under the belt and I'm proud of that. It got me further than i imagine in life. If I ever have any kids they will also grow up under a fine snake skin belt or an electric cord lol.
supportcommand 17
I never got the belt. But I got a serious swat on the ass, sometimes bare, with every word he said.
soccerchick800 10
87 - no, the worst is when your parents don't approve of the switch you get and they make you go choose another one and you get more spankings with the new switch than you would have if you just picked it out in the first place...
petraphotoDOTca 6
the good ones are rare. you seem older beyond your years. :)
ASD_K 11
Do I see a week/month without electronics? If he got you fired, it wouldn't exactly be easy to pay an electric bill. See how he likes life.
tygerarmy 35
Hope he likes no phone, Internet or social life for a while.
pokefan813 16
That crap doesn't work. Just take out the leather belt!