Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
chuka81 27
Seven year old girls are harmless and cute until they become evil little vixens. I don't think punishment is the answer. It's all harmless fun for her and unending pain for you. Find a way of protecting yourself till she gets tired of the new game.
Pleonasm 36
Really? Teaching her that it's okay to walk all over people until she gets her way? Gee, I can't see how that will end badly further on in life.
FranklySpeaking 11
Why the hell should a grown man have to adjust his comfort to accommodate the potentially sadistic musings of a seven year old? Pardon me if "sadistic" seems a tad extravagant.
StillUsesMyspace 22
It doesn't seem like a "game", but more like the cruelest form of torture for a man
myind_yabiness 13
Be her parent. Not her punching bag.
drewflav 17
*bag.
myind_yabiness 13
Too bad I spelt it right.
drewflav 17
Not at the time of posting you didn't. You spelt it as "bad".
myind_yabiness 13
Sorry! I'm too busy laughing at how I spelt it right, you're delusional, and the amount of thumbs down you received when your hero grammar nazi moment backfired.
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Aww how cute (:
arsenicalhumor 30
SO adorable it hurts...
Bigemrick 7
How is that cute
Nyx7 24
Yeah...cute...an adorable 7 year old sadist
Indianboy9321 25
You have to put your foot down and find some way to discipline her to prevent her from becoming a brat that doesn't think rules apply to her. Either that, or invest in a cup.
ravens4life 12
This is for you DocBastard -_- Lol Win Fail Wow Ur hot 'Murrica That sux Facepalm Unad bro Dump him That's epic Like a boss Threesome How original Your an idiot No comment Forever Alone Shitty situation Are you blonde? Haters gonna hate Takes off sunglasses I see what you did there Doesnt matter had sex Take it as a compliment You mean "ex-boyfriend Anything Written Like This Why is this thumbed down? Kids say the darndest things
Pleonasm 36
a "You're daughter is awsome OP!! haha" would have sufficed.
ViviMage 40
Buy a cup?
awkwardloveannie 28
tell her you won't let her watch tv, have sweet snacks, or buy her toys if she doesnt stop
TheCrispyCat 20
No, ground her from coming out of her room only to use the bathroom. She can also eat her food in her bedroom. That was my punishment once, I didn't get punished many times after that.
Mauskau 36
Well if they're anything like me, they'd be happy to not be able to leave their bedroom :)
TheCrispyCat 20
With things taken away.
Meld86 12
Either wear a cup for the rest of your life or discipline her
aniluapss 9
If you haven't disciplined her then YDI
worldclassrager 41
Wear a cup...