Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
crackpotL 33
punch her in the face when she is not expecting it.
ashsaunde 13
Dude, you're an idiot. She is not "just having fun" she's doing something horrible. 7 years old is old enough to know better. My 2 year old knows that you don't hit people, especially his parents. OP needs to punish her and teach her that you can't just go around kicking guys in the balls.
ashsaunde 13
I'm not a fan of physical punishment either but in two different comments you said that she was only 7 and acting like her behavior is no big deal. Yes, there are other ways of punishing her but you have to actually use them for it to be effective. Her age doesn't excuse anything and she shouldn't think that hurting people is fun.
ashsaunde 13
Did I ever say that I punish my child in violent ways? No I did not. Spanking with my son does absolutely nothing and we do time out, taking things away. He's a wonderfully behaved child in general. I'm not advocating child abuse here, I'm just saying that your comment about her "just having fun" is stupid. And by 7 she is old enough to know that hitting is not okay but in nearly every comment you made, you said that she is "only 7" acting like she's a little baby who is incapable of knowing right from wrong.
Xotoolyxo 16
Maybe you should take to her about how that's not a appropriate game to play with your daddy
Robnokc 3
Instead of letting her think it's okay and live in fear of your daughter, which you should never do, you need to let her know it is not okay and discipline her. By letting her do this, you are letting her think it's okay to do this to any other boy or man. Let her know it is not okay and it's an unacceptable form of behavior.
Axipiter 24
20, I daresay you're terrible at sarcasm...
martin8337 36
If you're unwilling to discipline the kid, then maybe wear an athletic supporter.
martin8337 36
Time to beat that ass like you own it.
nbandofbrothers 10
If you don't leave a mark the government can't do anything about it. Family friend is a social worker.
Culpion 3
I'm a little concerned at the amount of comments saying "whip out the belt" or "beat her". Seriously, I hope those making those comments are joking/trolls and don't ever have kids.
martin8337 36
I don't have kids, but I wouldn't joke about punishing the child. I would have had my ass beaten had I pulled a stunt like that.
game0ver_fml 18
Uh...stop cowering before a seven year old and whip her ass. Bet she won't think hitting is so funny after a good ass beating. Problem solved.
crzyaad 2
beat that girl! no sympathy here!