Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to spend some time with my daughter, since I work all the time and hardly ever get time off. She wanted to play Minecraft, so played it with her. Have you ever been killed over and over in a video game by an 8 year-old? I have. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
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Top comments
kurodansei 16
Discipline. Use it.
alexmac222 17
Must not hurt too bad considering you don't have balls to discipline and discuss your daughter's actions with her. She's 7! Come on, man! Grow a pair.
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Comments (331)
kakakarotcake 17
I know what you can do OP. It's this controversial thing called be a parent, and discipline your child.
Neesalun 20
You need to put your foot down.
tukies 28
Quit being afraid of your daughter OP. If she's getting away with this at home, what in the hell is she getting away with at school? She needs to know this isn't right.
blvcklvnd69 14
Don't spare the rod.
krad204 21
Just take away her favorite toy..
fergnasty 14
Beat your kid!!
weveallbeenthere 30
you are a parent! Start acting like one...
Dcm210 19
Hit her in the groin, problem solved.
beaverteaser 16
is she honey boo boo?
Muttley9 13
Sometimes parenting comes down to "I am bigger than you are and I am going to beat the crap out of you!" Not to permanently injure the child, but to teach them never to do that thing again. Good luck.
Sheh_fml 25
No. No sane parent would want scare their children into obedience by threatening them with violence. All that teaches is that they should never ever trust their parents or admit anything resembling failure to them. Fear is not respect.
littlekellilee 45
When I was little and my brother and I were bad, mom would come in and set a wooden spoon down, then leave. We'd be much better after that. She never hit us with it. We both love our mom, and she's one of most supportive people ever. I've never feared her. If you fear telling the parent then you know you've done something wrong already and just chatting about it will suffice.