Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate's boyfriend moved in. I'm in love with him. Now I get to live with the happy couple. FML
Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML
Today, I came home to an orgy in my room. It appears that my parents have been renting our house out to porn studios. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML
Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML
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Top comments
Mallorydomio 0
Hahaha fatties need love too
realsdmf 4
Fatty sex is the best sex. Also, they were currently having more sexy time than you.
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Comments (294)
grrrkgrrrl 0
At least they're burning some calories
DGross 8
Who knew exercise could be fun? ;)
C_l_M_32710 0
not only fun, could u imagine the adventure and creativity they needed to find where they had to get to? lol
TheDrifter 24
Just make sure the gunfire noises you're hearing is her bedframe cracking and not the floor joists buckling and you'll be fine.
bflakes 1
if it was Normandy then that means they were shooting guns and making explosions…kinky
Damafia 19
That was just terrible...
TKello 6
Hey now, good for them!! Jeez, I don't think it would be an FML if it was your roommate posting, "Today, my 170 pound roommate bought over a 120 pound girl to have sex with. It's so quiet I can't hear a thing. FML" Instead we would be calling that OP a creeper...so I'm going to call you a creeper. If it bothers you so much, just go out somewhere. Be glad for your roommate and don't be mean.
Jacquelynna 0
hahaha :)
AcesAndEights 0
Hmm... you have a point. Ha!
florenzfang 0
hahaha funny metaphor....hope u hold on !!
firemanrob 0
I am honestly lost for words lol Thats just wow fyl op
ilyjb4eva 0
get some! jk i mean get a hell of alot! lmao-
Marleerae 0
Sounds like a dangerous situation!! :/
Inhumanfrost 0
I can't even fathom that thought. All I get is the image of two wrecking balls smashing together.
BallsFace 0
LOL
loski87 4
hahahaha
james3458 3
I love how people are calling him a creeper for listening in. he probably had no choice, how do you avoid hearing that? and the dude probably was trying to get some sleep. I'm not leaving my house just because my fat roommate has to get some. seriously that's terrible, the sheer mechanics of it are mind boggling lol
icanhazlawlz 0
dont you mean...mind BOTTLING? XD