Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate's boyfriend moved in. I'm in love with him. Now I get to live with the happy couple. FML
Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML
Today, I came home to an orgy in my room. It appears that my parents have been renting our house out to porn studios. FML
Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML
Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML
Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML
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Top comments
Mallorydomio 0
Hahaha fatties need love too
realsdmf 4
Fatty sex is the best sex. Also, they were currently having more sexy time than you.
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Comments (294)
Mallorydomio 0
Hahaha fatties need love too
tammy0312 6
More cushion for the pushin'... LOL! FYL.
TheDrifter 24
Lovin so hard it measures on the richter scale.
juliahockey 0
they just gotta pay...
Mierda2k 1
at least they gave u £800 for it. that's alot of money.
mind_geek 15
I see wat u did thar
Jimmmmmy 5
makes me think of the movie shallow hal lol
Po1ntBlank 0
shallow Hal! good movie
percawesome 0
lmao 57 that was great
remotepath 0
op should join in and make it a round figure 1000
USAF_girl 3
lol They're are playing find the sausage! He probably hasn't seen it in years.
SassiestLemon 2
OMG 50 u beat me to the punch! grr
ericownz101 0
this literally made me lmao.. which is rather convenient considering im sitting on the toilet >.>
Erik_Holmgren 0
800 pounds of sex... lol
dreamer4466 0
that is not nice. be good.
spoo 24
"800 pounds of sex... lol" -if only this meant something different :(
Legend1234321 0
that's a good one
dhaworth93 8
somebody's just jealous cause they could only sit alone playing with themself listening to others getting some good sex
im_wilder 0
disgusting, disturbing but also funny to wonder how he can try to.... never mind.
notanalbino 4
I love your picture; made me giggle:}
MaximilianMarche 0
hahahahaha is all have to say about this. hahahahaha
percawesome 0
I tried not minding once... it was awesome
Goldendesu 0
Wait, unless OP's roomate is a girl (since OP is a guy), then his roomate is gayyy...?
P374RD3D 9
#264 who cares
SausageWaffles 4
Why does that matter?
izzy0122 0
How does that work? I've always wondered.
bubbarific 0
prob like bouncing on an excercise ball or somethin
donicus 0
it works very well, thank you very much.
iSitt 0
what does it smell like?
manzanita2121 6
it smells like chicken McNuggets
DarkHelmet 10
smells like the baking if delicious pastries
daaron 3
some things are meant to be unknown for the Sake of mankind
megapeyt 17
Darron is right. There are things we're all better off NOT knowing
tpike1296 11
Like how this looked.
tmac71320 4
You gotta lift a couple rolls to get to that chicks oven
realsdmf 4
Fatty sex is the best sex. Also, they were currently having more sexy time than you.
xcarxcrashx 9
lmao
angelo8320 0
get involved and make it 1,000 pound action
jamjelly386 5
hell yeah!
qwerty8788 4
f*** yeah! literally!
robotnhi 0
win!
megapeyt 17
I wonder what the bed is rated for? I know most pick up trucks are only half ton so hmmm... Food for thought. Epic win with that comment by the way
Dale_shackleford 13
I know this is an old fml, but you realize that the ton rating system is just a size indicator, right? Most half ton trucks have a payload of about 2-2.5 thousand pounds.
waswashere 0
that's so hot
Scoty12C 6
holy shit! Iron Man!
afdude87 6
4, I'd rather have no sexy time than 400 pound nasty time :/
insanesna1l 0
don't knock it till you've tried it
Jacquelynna 0
lmao awesome I'll try anything once!
RedPillSucks 33
3 cheerleaders, 133lbs a piece. What? I like to take my pounding bit by bit.
game94 0
yeaah creep looks like you can get three cheerleaders ^...
kingtz 6
What kind of fat cheerleaders weigh 133 lbs?
Brittany0989 0
133 pounds is not fat.
bruinbigman55 0
it is for cheerleaders where I come from
fabulosogurlee 7
I think you meann 800 lol
ThatGuyYouDontKn 0
get this mental image out of my head
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
Agreed o.O
MassEffectNerd 0
alright let me try...Imagine that there is this grown man. this man has some goats and one day he was curious. The man decided to have sex with one of the goats. he was satisfies. a couple months past and some how that goat got pregnant and had...goatlets? the family decided to sell the goats for some money and they couldn't afford to keep them. that man cried for he thought the goats had "his eyes". hope that helped get ride of that mental image.
SmallTownCutie 0
Thanks a lot. That's a much mental image.
braunwynn 5
a baby goat is called a kid. how... poetic?
MissFukMyLuck 0
18- you just got 15 epic cool points.
NewAddiction 0
just wanted to say I love the way this is written. but hey, fatties need love too.
jrob16 0
agreed lol
Doortje 30
Maybe it'll be so intense that the next session will "only" be 780 pounds in action.
ttorigibson 2
They can only hope.
taw6969 0
omg too funny