Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML
Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML
Today, I was babysitting my 4 year-old niece, who rudely but cutely asked me why my nose is so big. Trying to make light of it, I told her, "It's because I lie a lot, just like Pinocchio." Now she won’t stop asking who I lied to and told my sister and her husband that I’m a "bad guy." FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, my daughter said, “Mommy, you’re my favorite person!” Then she added, “Because you smell like mac and cheese.” FML
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML
Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML
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Top comments
MadaZer0 8
Hey at least your liked.
MermaidSongXOXO 6
That's why I like you around, too :) *Steals chicken wing from underneath OP's fat rolls.*
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Comments (95)
blastvortex 4
~_~ There's probably a way to fix that, OP.
crossel 1
ohhhhh I see the problem. you're a fat ass! I'm gonna have to say this isn't an fml since it's really your fault. colonel doesn't kill people , your fat ass kills people.
nickperry21 4
hey beastlydrevon, you spelled muay Thai wrong. so I highly doubt u know it. frickin idiot
Ajjas013 6
LOL @ 46 that's exactly what she would of done!
Joey7361 0
take a shower
taradaniellexo 0
ur obviously fat n smelly
GeoThermalSleuth 0
Hi
OrgasmicSquirrel 0
If it pisses you off so much dont eat so much KFC
fuzz97 23
lose weight.
iEjaculateCandy 0
******.