Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML
Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, my youngest son had to have stitches on his chin. He did great; I passed out. FML
Today, my great-grandfather had his arm blown off in the army and used the splintered bone to stab an enemy soldier, and got a goddamn medal for it, and yet I just watched my grown-ass son squealing like a bitch for over 10 minutes because he got a splinter in his toe. How far we’ve fallen. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML
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Top comments
pinkcrayola 0
You know, he could have a problem with self harming and just be using those words with an excuse. Instead of calling him an idiot you should make sure that he's feeling okay.
JoeLouisBomber 9
Sounds like a winner
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Comments (210)
hamtaro331 0
Sounds like me
Lex_lov3 0
so what if he does all that shit?!? it doesn't make him an idiot
THE_A_TEEN 28
Who the **** harm themselve simply because they forgot how that exact pain feels like? Only idiots. No sane person would do that.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Maybe you should send him to Boot Camp to see if he forgot how it feels like to suffer. You'll thank me later...
calilovesneb 12
Is your life really that sad that you have nothing better to do than insult your child on this site? It was "funny" till you threw "I raised this idiot" in there. Plus, last time I checked, children mimic their parents so maybe YOU are the idiot. Things to think about my friend.
THE_A_TEEN 28
No, not everyone who grows up mimics their parents.
ROSEisAmazing01 4
He sounds kinda emo! Poor thing!
InkedPrincess 5
alzheimers at 18.... classic.
Myo_fml 20
You better stop this before he asks for you to spank him because he forgot what it feels like.
haleyaubrey1 0
Emo?
AngelSpit 18
Oh for phucks sake why do masochistic tendencies have to mean some one is emo damnitt people have been gagged beat whipped chained paddled spanked poked prodded welted bound and otherwise tortured long before emos came around *grumps in the corner*
goodgood_fml 5
This son will grow up and have many children. Thanks, OP for the gift.
sun_doggy 0
... he need some professional help.