Today, my 15-year-old daughter said she wanted to become a "baby name expert". I chortled, until I looked it up. They actually exist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML
Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML
Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML
Today, I looked through my daughter’s search history. Did I find porn? No, worse. At the age of 17, she has been looking up the definitions of commonly used words such as ‘arbitrary,’ ‘pretentious,’ and ‘initiative.’ FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML
Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said, "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML
Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
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Top comments
SauceySarah 30
Your daughter to her clients: "Looking at the fetus, I'm really feeling a 'Sally' or 'Samantha' vibe radiating off of her. That'll.. That'll be good."
soccerstar1996 18
Welcome to the 21st century
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Comments (106)
soccerstar1996 18
Welcome to the 21st century
starile 20
I would still chortle.
caohm 18
*chortles to himself quietly* yes I think I like this word. COL will replace lol
Twixx66 9
I would as well... Until I remember that there are people out there who name their kids: Seven Sirius Puma Audio Science (wtf) Fifi Trixibelle Reignbeau Moon Unit Dweezil North West Apple Messiah Ya'Majesty Jermajesty Kal-el Moxie Crime fighter Tabooger These people probably wished their parents had hired a baby name expert.
Sinistra_Blue 12
Its kinda like that guy who was on TV with the job title of "Ranch Dressing Expert." You can tell he gets all the ladies. "Whatcha got there, beautiful? Hidden Valley?"
RedPillSucks 33
@34 I object to your mocking of Kal-el. All hail son of Krypton!!!
tannara 12
Thanks
_parth 20
Bitches naming their kids after shit they can't even afford. Like Mercedes, diamond..
PossiblyInDanger 24
I actually like Kal-el. Better as a girl's name, though.
CaptainFabulous 1
@34 well then it would be Kara-zorel :) for a girl
ShadowFlame275 18
My aunt named her 2 children Sincere and Sir. She really should've gotten a baby name expert.
SauceySarah 30
Your daughter to her clients: "Looking at the fetus, I'm really feeling a 'Sally' or 'Samantha' vibe radiating off of her. That'll.. That'll be good."
jw90 18
I believe this one should be a Shaniqua or maybe Tamitha.
Kamon97 23
What about Gaylord M. Focker? ;D
jw90 18
At 27, Gaylord Focker's Lover.
ninjaqueen101 18
Dumbo?
yoimtrollin 24
Girls went from wanting to be princesses to wanting to be baby name experts.. At least one of those dreams gets paid
strike2867 13
Well both of those professions get paid, the difference is in what they actually do for the money.
Dracoboxer357 36
3- Yeah....being a princess pays very well, IF you're fortunate enough to get to actually be one. I can't imagine anyone making enough money naming other people's babies to even eat that day. :P
Rawr6591 21
I believe the way our generation is moving it may be very lucrative
NoMore_CoolNames 14
12- My sisters lives in Los Angeles. They get paid pretty well.
SmokinGuns 13
Atleast she doesnt want to be like Miley Cyrus
NoMore_CoolNames 14
You mean rich off a kid's show?
Pleonasm 36
"Vanessa? Ugh, that's so last decade. Cecilia is so in right now. That'll be 200 dollars, thanks."
ksks1234 33
But won't Cecilia be a heartbreaker?
TheDrifter 24
Better than Vidalia, she makes all the boys cry.
RedPillSucks 33
Chlamydia
WellThatSucked89 13
I actually met a girl named chlamydia because her parents thought it was pretty.
CharresBarkrey 16
Cecilia would be a confidence shaker, too.
threer 30
#67, I can't stop laughing. WTF ? xD
Chibi_Kitten 24
I should totally have children so I can name them horribly funny names...
jrod9327 17
She is aspiring toward great things.
ninjaqueen101 18
At least she doesn't plan on being a teen mom, and earn her money l off MTV.
jrod9327 17
I agree. That comment was sarcasm because op sees it as a bad thing. Like you said though, it could always be worse. So striving for an actual job might be a blessing in disguise
Ian7890 23
haha "chortled"
rockne93 17
"Chortled" made me chortle
doodlecloud 27
My first thought was that I'd stepped into a Beano comic. Only place I've ever seen that word used seriously.
mintyowlgirl 20
What do you do? Just make up names by putting sounds together? Our generation sucks
Jared900DUmpling 30
Stuguidobob jones
CrissyyyS2 22
Recently someone named their newborn, Hashtag. Ugh.
TheDrifter 24
I'm not sure if a 21st century baby name expert prevents that sort of travesty, or encourages it.
ninjaqueen101 18
Didn't you know they take scrabble tiles, throw them in the air, and however they land is what the baby's name shall be.
Olympiakos10 15
54 - That's how they come up with pokemon names
doodlecloud 27
Come on now 58, everyone knows Pokemon names are super puns. There's more thought in them than that.
WhitneyAndGdrago 10
it's not that bad of a job I guess....
TheDrifter 24
The pre natal class a couple of my friends attend has one. Helps mothers to be who can't pick a name, looks up historical cultural figures and the etymology of words that might make good names etc.
brinnablaine 22
That actually sounds like fun. I love etymology, though. I'm a bit of a word nerd. ;)
rakooligan 11
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
graceinsheepwear 34
Dramatic.
CharresBarkrey 16
That can be arranged...
DjSashaRoyal 9
She's 15! I'm sure she'll change her mind.
camoney 4
Or her own name when she becomes a expert baby namer.