Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my family. My five year old goes under the table and says "Mommy! You forgot to wear underwear!" FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Top comments
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
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Comments (154)
Danny0522 8
So I'm not the only one that wonders...
Goldenchest 14
Derpy Hooves approves. *ducks and takes shelter from imminent thumbs down*
ynaynd 6
At least he didn't name her derpderp
doctorhook86 25
OP's husband is an obnoxious jackass. That attitude towards his own daughter's curiosity is rudeness and insensitivity that borders on emotional abuse. I prescribe a remedial kick in the head, applied directly to the husband.
SamanthaCassieL 10
Anyone I know would have laughed at that comment if their kid or someone else's kid said that. But calling her names.. Rude. But what she said was absolutely adorable! Must be a cute kid!
theten_fml 9
No wonder I was born with French fries in my hair!!!!
P374RD3D 9
42 All dads **** with their kids. I don't think that counts as abuse.
GypsyRover 0
#42 must just be a HUGE sissy. Anyway,the dad could have handled it way better. If I were the mom I would tell her that when dad says derp derp to just leave him alone because he is saying mean things. And that she should tell him not to be rude.
epicskier 3
I agree #1! Wtf does swallowing clothes, and the name derp derp have to do with each other?!
epicskier 3
And people I know he was wondering about moms swallowing clothes
DKjazz 20
61- You might want to rephrase that before the FBI finds you.
MisterEx 28
Yes 73. Because teaching your daughter what a rude a.hole her father is, is much better.
bestnameright 14
Haha good one didn't realize it could be taken that way!
gc327072 31
42- head on, apply directly to the husband.
doctorhook86 25
61 & 73: The guy is an adult male mocking a five year old girl for being curious. From this she's gonna learn that asking questions will get her made fun of, even by people she relies on. That's abuse.
botanistjessica 24
Do you have children? It isn't abuse. Adults say things that get them laughed at and they don't cry about it and feel abused. Kids usually like when adults laugh at what they say.
S182 15
He might not be the father
citymayer 7
101 to this day I am terrified to ask questions bc I was picked on as a kid by my dad and all of his side of the family. Dads should not have the right to mock their kids. It's awful and hurtful and if it was anyone else doing the mocking it would be called bullying.
LiterOfCola 16
Hahaha 42: what kind of a pussy lifestyle have you lived/grown up with to believe that this is "emotional abuse"?
AfrooMack 2
Shut the hell up damn ! im tired of everybody on here commenting these petty things like this! get a life.. you sound stupid ! "I prescribe a remedial kick to the head, applied directly to the husband" who says that ?
AfrooMack 2
BlTCH
khaosblade91 6
Go home
Judahsh 8
61- **** with their kids? Sexual abuse? Lol
P374RD3D 9
^That's what you took from that?
bobman51 15
I'm sorry but that's a different proportion. I feel for you but that's a whole branch of family who made fun of you. For all we know she finds the name derp derp funny. After all she's probably only young and 1) doesn't understand what it means and 2) if she's sweet enough to ask something like that she would consider it as a joke
AGhost5445 25
I have always wondered that.
AGhost5445 25
Didn't see 1 sorry.
stolencookie 17
At least she didn't ask why moms dont swallow something else so that babies won't be born lonely..?
EvilPotato 15
No. Just, just no.
Boygenius50 8
>Sees thumbs down >Mob mentality kicks in >Comments "No, just no" because that's what all the cool kids are doing nowadays >Receives thumbs up >Basks in own FML promiscuity
Psych101 9
29- Nah, it's cool. He added a second "just" in his comment to make it original and creative.
Pandacupcakelove 26
3- Kill yourself.
evig_fml 16
29- thumbs down...because I'm a non-conformist!
gc327072 31
78- if you're gonna say "kill yourself", you gotta have the right profile picture.
Pandacupcakelove 26
104- darn it :(
teentee401 37
No one should be telling anyone to kill themselves anyway. That's terrible
piff7 14
That's rude of your husband. Little kids don't know any better. You just politely tell them the correct answer. Not make them respond to names like "Derp-Derp".
samir1996 0
I love when people take FML's so seriously.
ptoka 20
I feel going to the mall would be easier... If your daughter gets lost just yell "derp-derp" and she'll respond
gc327072 31
Imagining the husband saying derp derp in a Swedish accent made this a helluva lot funnier.
Tolarie 13
Well she's five, so it's a valid question :P one of those "the things that kids say" I guess.
TomPusslicker 21
Exactly. Shes 5, its still adorable. If she were 25, thats a reason for concern. Dads a bit of a dick, but hopefully stops before she understands hes mocking her.
PeteyPablo12308 20
I had to thumb you down simply because of your user name.
TheMaster15 10
71- if we thumbed people for usernames, I would have named myself boobs, because everyone likes boobs.
TomPusslicker 21
If im being thumbed down for my name alone, i just want to point out that it was the name of a reporter in a southpark episode, im not trying to pose as some kind of ladies man lol. I just found it to be a very amusing name.
bestnameright 14
What have you been CLOTHING yourself from that amazing theory?! Lol
Smashhoof 15
I don't understand what you are trying to say at all, but I think it starts out as "What? Have you been clothing yourself?" or possibly, "What have you been clothing yourself [in]?"
kittytub 12
clothing = shielding. so shielding yourself/protecting yourself. I think =/
ShyAnn29 15
6 has us all confused!
tressie_fml 6
Uhhhh..... What?
missababgaga 19
Clothing = Closing... I think they were trying to say, "Closing yourself off from that amazing theory" There, problem solved :)
teentee401 37
false
dhall30 8
Oh cool make fun of your daughter for asking a ******* question, that will teach her for being inquisitive.
evig_fml 16
Daddy issues? Some one needs a hug :3
mariof13579 4
Maybe that's the point,maybe she's one of those kids that never shut up and ask questions alll the time? You don't know do you,so just shut it you judgmental ****!
KaitlynNeal 13
lol im crying so hard
missababgaga 19
Remind him that he is the father of your "Derp-Derp"
zoPwNAgEzo 21
Derp-derp lmao. I hope she snaps out of responding to that soon