Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said, "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML
Today, I went to see a movie. While buying tickets, the girl behind the counter asked to show my ID card to proof I'm at least 16 years old. Not wanting to make a drama, I showed it. She took a look at it and declared it as fake. That ID is real and I'm 24. FML
Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML
Today, my daughter was unable to take the SAT. They wouldn’t let her in, because, “no one told her she would need two forms of ID.” To be fair, she would have gotten a terrible score anyway, if she’s really that dumb. FML
Today, I took my 4 year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed, "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex." FML
Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML
Today, my sister and I look enough alike she was able to steal my ID to go and get a tattoo at 15 years-old. Our mom is furious and also blames me, as though I willingly let her use my ID. FML
Today, as part of my becoming an adult, my dad taught me how to use an ATM. The irrational anger I suddenly felt when he told me to "Enter your PIN number into the ATM machine" is too much to be described here. FML
Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MyPupRox 2
shes a keeper, dont worry, theres always clown university ;)
ilovefall10 21
Am I the only one who feels sorry for the daughter? I mean , maybe she wasn't paying attention or maybe she spaced out a little. I think her mother saying ' I raised a nitwit' is a bit harsh. She's your frigging daughter woman.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (205)
MyPupRox 2
shes a keeper, dont worry, theres always clown university ;)
_Oblivion_ 12
shes not gunna disown her either so..
Xaviour 0
well like parent like child...
mruizk9 7
shes a blonde..
alexg823 0
She might be a nitwit, but she's your nitwit.
jglenn88 0
and you are getting her a bank account?
mlb58 0
The apple didn't fall far from the tree.
whiskuit 0
I always knew inbreeding would lead to trouble.
omgmike2345 0
well there's always clown university...oh that's been said oh yeah uh inbreeding leads to trouble oh that's been said to....looks like everythings covered...
BelleElle_fml 5
Just do what my dad does when we ask a dumb question and stare her down with a "Are you stupid?" look. Now we always think before we speak.
zukinihudini 0
she probably didnt see the birth certificet
whyXD 13
No one to blame but yourself.
baddud300 6
Well I just hope she is at least hot... for her sake...
Thunderbender 2
Sounds like a brain fart. That happens to everyone.
zendaddy0 0
or the university of Lincoln SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS
GuessWhatKids 13
1- Don't you mean clown collage?
fmlwmty 0
150: it's college not collage you nitwit
Thunderbender 2
You're new to this whole sarcasm thing aren't you 153?
fmlwmty 0
your new to this whole shove it up your ass thing aren't you 174?
AuB1419ER 0
your sick
AuB1419ER 0
62
Merylwen 24
She really doesn't sound like a loving mother at all. Her daughter's life sucks.
Princessx3Jamie 0
Geeze it was only a mistake lol! She didn't take time to think before she spoke, it happens to all of us.
rougeter 2
All the frat boys are just waiting for someone like her to come along. Seriously raise her better
MCRandBVBlover88 0
someone doesnt take their kids for who they are! [shame shame shame!]
Eggers 2
uh, yeah, he does. that's the part where he called her a nitwit. remember?
LordGoober 13
Your "he" is a "she"
MCRandBVBlover88 0
ohh golly gee, now i remember! what great parenting!
FallenAngel132 0
I love BVB and mcr!!!!!!! lol
MCRandBVBlover88 0
haha! i can tell by ur namee! we scream we shout, we are the fallen angels
nateb1tch 1
A child's intelligence and social behavior does not lie completely on the parents.
Tjack_attack 0
I think it's just cuz your from Queensland
codyfranta 0
Hey it's Gerard again! :D
MCRandBVBlover88 0
-96 exactly! and yes gerard is back(:
Mpower121 2
is your pick gerard way or Ellen degenerous
MCRandBVBlover88 0
ahem. it is the lead singer of the best band ever, therefore it is gerard way. because there are many differences between ellen and this hottie right here
Rick27 0
Damn
jennabug0403 4
..i dont understand how OP thinks their daughter is a nit wit .. maybe she just forgot about it ?
marinus_fml 20
It's 100% your fault.
borntoperform 14
Wooooooow. You really think that? That's pretty ignorant.
raiganator 10
Hey hey, it could be true. maybe the kid was raised stupid.
marinus_fml 20
7, she did say that she raised a nitwit...
MizzErikaHart 8
I blame the schools...
felixshen 18
Actually, that's not ignorant at all. "Like father, like son", the old saying goes. Why can't we substitute the males in the saying with female? Are you being sexist now huh punk lol
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Who the **** was being sexist??
MrSassypants 34
69 before I tell you you're actually being sexist and being very contradicting, congratulations on the number you got. Anyways your actually saying that they should blame the dad because it's like "Father like son." Since they are both women and by your logic them it's "Like mother like daughter." :D
randiZ25 0
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree?
kiakia0131 23
There is a substitution. The saying is "like mother like daughter."
Tyler1988 0
I blame the juiced up roid monkey that posted this comment
AlexandersAngel 1
I'm quarter Dutch :) and Christian.
philitron128 0
I blame global warming :D
flawedgenius 6
#189 and AlexandersAngel: But that also means you are 3/4 not Dutch, and 3/4 not christian. What exactly has this got to do with the OP and current conversation thread?
jedrools 16
i totally agree the apple doesnt fall far from the tree
ksib 0
honest mistake...everybody gas a blonde moment every once in a while
MCRandBVBlover88 0
i totally agree! if her kids arent up to her "standards," dont go writing an FML for the world. i feel bad for the girl. FHL for having a mother who doesnt except her few (or many) blonde moments!
chessypie 0
just because we have blonde hair doesnt mean we are dumb im a blonde A+ student
PLPrincess 8
I'm a blonde and an A-A+ University student. too. I still have like a million blonde moments though.
PLPrincess 8
ps any spelling and punctuation Errors are due to autocorrect. My iPod has a mind of its own.
ksib 0
it's just a saying......geez ha
Livinia 11
Hmm.. maybe getting her a bank account isn't the best idea.
mrredkneck 2
i totally agree
bandit6 2
agreed. cancel that shit with a quickness
dhaworth93 8
lol very smart idea lol
Sfaizi24 17
You guys are either the worst Parents or are 13. She forgot/didn't realize the teller had her name there so her OWN FATHER calls her a nitwit? Wtf?
iLikeWaffles155 5
if only OP would have spelled ni
iLikeWaffles155 5
I never pressed send ^^^^
wisericky 12
liar, you pressed it twice.
guitargoddess89 3
liar***
nephilim241 19
OP's daughter is in shock that she is now a part of "the system" from here on in.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
please don't let her have a credit card ever.
thepatty8474 10
awesome name dude! hate him 2 :D even tho ima girll, and biber liverz dont hate this shit cause u accaully think u have a chance wit him. you dont and never will.
KaylieBieber13 0
never say bever bitchhh i
Mrrevorp 0
well you can only hope her stripping career really takes off cause she's not even getting into community college lmao
kenziekatt125 8
That's kinda mean to be a homophobe don't you think i mean I love gay guys my best guy friend is gay and he hangout like every day it doesn't bother me how about you except people for how they are...