Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
dan81892 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wat
Remegy 3
30 years huh? well too bad Andres going to have a little accident...
Enoch134 0
turtle soup is tasty
llcooljoey 0
i'll take him (damn you antiflood) (damn you a second time)
devilyy 2
Look who has a new BFF.I bet you're happy as hell :P
rawrkittehpwnage 0
lol turtles are awesome
ArentICute 0
It's time for your turtle to mysteriously disappear.
rawyak 4
Mine turtle anybody?
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
tweetspie 0
Give it away?? HELL NO, SELL IT!
DynamicDave 11
+5 internets for the RHCP reference.
reptileguy1296 0
Herpetological Societies take them.
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
Kevin_Kestel 24
SAVE THE TURTLE
jennam_fml 4
So..Give it away. Not exactly a "FML" situation.
WhoopteDo 26
Except for the whole getting dumped part. But who cares about that? Obviously that is just insult to the injury of getting stuck with a turtle..
Quinklong 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well, kill it. Problem solved!
mif_fml 27
You're sick.
jollyholly414 0
I think you should keep it because if you release it into the "wild" it won't survive and giving it away will be a waste of money. Besides, they're cute! :)
Allison_H 0
YOU SUCK. JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR DISPLAY PICTURE. FYL.
ironwords 8
333 you win the Internet and a weekend with Charlie sheen
beckacloth 0
sheesh. you can't just take care of it? feed it once a day and clean the tank once a month? is that really that difficult?
thats_about_rite 0
What a great reminder...
EffYoLife 14
leave the turtle on her door step #9 you should do your research before you post. Turtles are very difficult animals to take care of! theyre way harder than a cat or a puppy. so be quiet! yes it rally is that difficult! and u have to clean the tank more than once a month especially if u dont have the right filters. they need lights and large tanks and all kinds of care.
28actress 22
It's definitely not harder than a cat or dog! I have two turtles and you have yo clean the tank once a week but it takes five seconds. Other than that you just feed them once a day. Wayyy less work than my chihuahua or extremely needy cat.
GrapefruitZoe 0
Damn, that's not so cool. It oughta be her turtle.