Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Today, my wife flat out refuses to have sex with me, ever. Most days it's "What have you done to earn sex?" then when I point out all I do (pay bills, work hard, take care of her, the kids and the house) it's, "Oh, so that means I owe you sex?" I even got that excuse on my birthday. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML
Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said, "I know." FML
Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML
Today, my wife always told me she loved sex too much to ever give it up. I don’t know what’s happened recently but she’s now angry for no reason, bitter at the world, makes me suffer just for existing, and yes, she’s cancelled all intimacy and sex for the foreseeable future. FML
Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
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Top comments
leogachi 15
People shouldn't use the words "busy" and "Facebook" in the same sentence, unless that sentence is "I'm too busy for Facebook." Call her out on it. What's she gonna do, stop having sex with you? You aren't having sex anyway.
Dreamsorrow93 24
Unhook the router. Sex. Reconnect.
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Comments (83)
AyeJay101 25
Start reading Fifty Shades.
nonsensical 26
what would that do?
limabeans101029 21
The appalling writing might give him a good laugh
AyeJay101 25
The female, and some male, friends I have gave them imaginations as far as they told me. I never read it myself so going off popular perceptions of the book.
noonenoeone 22
**** is a quicker and more effective way to get ideas...if you need to use literature to spice up your sex life you're doing it wrong.
a1_z9 10
Ha, **** is meant to arouse the people watching it rather than the people doing it! I think most women want a partner who'll respond to their individual needs rather than mindlessly pounding away at them.
abNormal62 23
Take the male end (cable) out of the female end (port) of the computer, and then set the mood with music, lighting and a cool drink and announce, "Honey, you got MALE!!!!" Then proceed to fill her inbox
worldclassrager 41
This might be going too far but sex then she can get on Facebook Better yet have priories and Facebook shouldn't be at the top
noonenoeone 22
Do you even know what you were trying to say? It looks like 2 thoughts got combined into none...
opiate_ape 10
She is an asshole.
MRSwick2525 23
Easy there killer. Asshole is a little harsh when you do not even know the woman. Disrespectful and selfish yes but Asshole is a little strong.
Miss_Whipped 43
Disrespectful + Selfish = Asshole.
ChopSuey444 20
You should really have a serious discussion with her. Maybe it's time for a date night.
Enslaved 38
Updating my Facebook. "On a date with my husband!" (Posted on FB) "Pictures of my Shrimp Parmesan with bread sticks!" (Posted on FB)
MeAnd 9
Have sex on the computer table. Problem solved.
Steve95401 49
Unfriend her.
ApplePie1994 27
Yet another reason why Facebook is a sack of horseshit.
leogachi 15
I agree that Facebook sucks, but it's not Facebook's fault that the wife is apparently a bitch.
Hauclir 14
The smells of woman logic.
limabeans101029 21
Yay sexism! Please don't generalize like that.
Gillett 23
true.
a1_z9 10
Sounds like you're both in a rut. Maybe you just need to remind her she's something special to you instead of your nearest available hole, spend some time setting the scene instead of just diving into the main course and all that.