Today, my overly religious family told me that if I, an atheist, went to church with them, they’d buy me a season pass to Disneyland. I dutifully sat through the entire two hour sermon. I didn’t get the tickets. They lied to get me into church, but don’t see the irony of lying being a sin. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my kids are at the age where they no longer want to go to church, and if I take them anyway, they misbehave on purpose to embarrass me. I don’t even want to go, my wife is the religious one, but if I refuse to go she’ll see to it I get hell on earth daily. FML
Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML
Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML
Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML
Today, after I recently started going back to church, my husband, who was last inside a church when he was replacing a boiler, told me I’d better knock it off because our kids threatened to stop visiting, and our neighbours think we’re “that couple.” FML
Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said, "Man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says, "I'm a member of that church…" OOPS. Silence. FML
Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML
Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML
Today, during a family road trip, my mom decided to spring a surprise conversion on us. This included screaming bible verses, blasting crazy gospel music and sobbing that we needed to repent before we’re all condemned to hell for eternity. She did this for 4 hours straight. FML
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Top comments
SirEnigM0nk 22
Equally ironic, such actions serve only to reinforce your worldview. Religious dogma in the wrong hands is a potent and dangerous force.
Anderling 33
There’s a certain type of Christian that feels anything is justified if it means nonbelievers will dutifully fall in line. I’m sorry you found out this way that your family is also that type, and I hope you will get that season pass someday.
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Comments (8)
SirEnigM0nk 22
Equally ironic, such actions serve only to reinforce your worldview. Religious dogma in the wrong hands is a potent and dangerous force.
Anderling 33
There’s a certain type of Christian that feels anything is justified if it means nonbelievers will dutifully fall in line. I’m sorry you found out this way that your family is also that type, and I hope you will get that season pass someday.
Ubehage 32
Religious = Crazy. Some more than others, but all are.
JackWood 21
Because they are holier than thou
spinningrecords 14
Christians have been tricking people into converting for centuries. We’re you expecting anything else?
Hangryko 32
Tell the priest what they did. Hopefully, he'll work it into his sermon, keeping them anonymous. Your family will squirm in their pew as they listen about their misdeeds, while intermittent gasps of disgust from the congregation surround them.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Tell them you'll get a full back tattoo of Joel Osteen's face if they each give you $100. Then **** off to Disneyland with a collage of famous atheists as your only companion. Don't forget the selfies.