Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a birthday card, wrote a long message, then sealed the envelope. At the party, I handed it over and immediately noticed the name on the front. I'd bought two cards at the same time and given her the one meant for someone else, my secret crush. I fled as soon as I could. FML
Today, I got flowers from a secret admirer. Turns out they were from my sister's in-laws who own a flower shop. Apparently, everyone feels bad that I'm single and they are convinced I'm gonna die alone. FML
Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "Anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said, "You're welcome!" and now they're going out. FML
Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML
Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML
Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML
Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML
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Top comments
unknown_user5566 27
OP, this is what you need to do: stop giving a shit about the perceptions that others might have of you, just because it's Valentines Day. Today is just like any other day, except men and women alike drain their bank accounts in feeble attempts to show their special someone that they "care". Last time I checked, love wasn't measured by how many boxes of chocolate and goofy looking teddy bears you bought for someone. You're single. Go out and enjoy yourself. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, a massage, etc. You don't need someone in your life in order to enjoy Valentines Day.
VannahJane 17
Well at least you know you love your secret admirer
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Comments (83)
unknown_user5566 27
OP, this is what you need to do: stop giving a shit about the perceptions that others might have of you, just because it's Valentines Day. Today is just like any other day, except men and women alike drain their bank accounts in feeble attempts to show their special someone that they "care". Last time I checked, love wasn't measured by how many boxes of chocolate and goofy looking teddy bears you bought for someone. You're single. Go out and enjoy yourself. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, a massage, etc. You don't need someone in your life in order to enjoy Valentines Day.
sugarshane007 20
Well put! Love is supposed to be shown year round, not just one day out of 365. It's how I have made things work, and it is the only recipe or success in any relationship!
The_Big_Boss 20
Longest first comment I've ever seen
alexdiazthatsme 2
That is a great answer
perdix 31
#1, Yay! Well-spoken with true perdixian bitterness!
Demonfish 14
There is also the good old, bitter, if-I-can't-have-love-no-one-can approach, of sitting on your roof with a sniper rifle, taking out every couple that strolls by. A tad extreme? maybe... hours of fun: guaranteed ;)
gummybear1996 13
38 - that's a good idea! And as a bonus you will never be alone on valentines day ever again after that. The guards and other inmates will always be there to keep you company :)
Demonfish 14
39- only if you get caught ;)
Rachie1387 5
38- now you make me wanna play COD
MrBrightside21 20
#1- Thank you so so so so so so much for giving all of us hopeless, sympathy-seeking singles out here a reason to be happy today. And to anyone else who isn't happy today, just remember, sexy beasts like me and you are single today too. Sometimes the world just doesn't make sense.
AKGirlinSD 20
I'm with 1. I'm in a relationship of almost a year and almost 7 months pregnant and I don't give a crap about this holiday. This is a made up holiday. Celebrate yourself if you feel the need to celebrate at all.
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
I agree with you completely! Great comment. :)
seamus2008 1
says a sad & jealous single woman
unknown_user5566 27
77- I'm married. It sounds like you're the sad, single and jealous person, not me.
ilovebuttsexx 6
Found the single girl on here.
blackman100 20
But you have to admit that being wanted is rewarding and showing it off just adds to the effect. It still is a bit sad though.
headofmedusa 15
She never mentioned Valentine's Day
Hiimhaileypotter 53
That's the date it was published on so it's safe to assume that's why she wanted her family to think she was with someone.
VannahJane 17
Well at least you know you love your secret admirer
machiavelli2 5
And it seems like they are willing to spend your money on you! Just like having a real relationship!
HowieDoIt 21
Sounds like an inside job, maybe it was a burglar?
paperroll880 16
There's nothing wrong with buying yourself flowers, but what you did would seem a bit pathetic to others... YDI
gummybear1996 13
There's nothing wrong with it as long as you buy them because you want them. It's only sad when you try to impress other people by buying them
stevenJB 25
Enjoy yourself today you don't need anyone to be happy. (:
sux4u121 10
Way to help cheer him up stormfront... Way to go
then000bster 16
Why not actually have a relationship with your family and talk about your life with them instead of creating a pathetic "plan". I'm sure they love you more than those flowers and chocolate :)
Docbee 11
If you were already desperate to buy yourself roses, you can always lie and say your secret admirer left it there to show you that price is not a problem for your love.
RealTalk0 7
Just go out and expand yourself to others. Easier said than done, but that's all you need to do, and most likely, you won't be buying yourself flowers.
sugarshane007 20
OP, sometimes self love is truly the best love, if you know what I mean.
EpicSquishii 21
Why would your family have the least bit of interest in your lack of Valentine this year? You're not going to be deemed a loser in their eyes until you act desperate and pathetic. I guess you just fulfilled that prophecy
sugarshane007 20
Some families are judgmental about things like that. I've known a few people that have families like that, it's a horrible feeling.
EpicSquishii 21
Some families should be taught by example that certain things are none of their bloody business. A person with avid investment in a relative's love life is more of a pathetic weirdo than the one that just so happens to be single that year in my opinion.
sugarshane007 20
Oh I totally agree with you, but sadly there are families out there that are too nosy, so I understand wanting to deter some of the questions.
firefighter925 18
jeez epicsquishi if that's a real pic of you, your really beautiful. sorry off topic here but I had to say it.