Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a birthday card, wrote a long message, then sealed the envelope. At the party, I handed it over and immediately noticed the name on the front. I'd bought two cards at the same time and given her the one meant for someone else, my secret crush. I fled as soon as I could. FML
Today, I got flowers from a secret admirer. Turns out they were from my sister's in-laws who own a flower shop. Apparently, everyone feels bad that I'm single and they are convinced I'm gonna die alone. FML
Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "Anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said, "You're welcome!" and now they're going out. FML
Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML
Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML
Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML
Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML
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Top comments
unknown_user5566 27
OP, this is what you need to do: stop giving a shit about the perceptions that others might have of you, just because it's Valentines Day. Today is just like any other day, except men and women alike drain their bank accounts in feeble attempts to show their special someone that they "care". Last time I checked, love wasn't measured by how many boxes of chocolate and goofy looking teddy bears you bought for someone. You're single. Go out and enjoy yourself. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, a massage, etc. You don't need someone in your life in order to enjoy Valentines Day.
VannahJane 17
Well at least you know you love your secret admirer
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Comments (83)
hienzburgess 9
desperado
ksks1234 33
Why don't you come to your senses?
hienzburgess 9
I'm in full sense mode, whatchu talkin bout
perdix 31
You've been out riding fences for so long now.
cannonman1863 17
That's just trying too hard. It's far easier to just admit to being single
EvilUndead 9
Look, just don't ever do it. You're lying and trying to create an illusion. Illusion will shatter and lie will be discovered. When this happens, you'll feel bad about it. So don't do it in the first place. There are good things about single, by the way.
Pussycat86 18
I did the same OP! And I got too excited pretending that I want to know who he might be! Only for one of my female friends to ruin everything by saying it was her who sent them to me to cheer me up and appear as a good friend In front of everyone! Not only Fml, F my friend!!!
MillerBeerTime 5
It's ok, Valentines day is only for weak people who have to be with someone to make themselves feel better
Satoaoi 13
like number 1 said. and you know there's someone for everyone. have faith. you will find love too
EarlFug 19
OP, I am thinking well of you tonight. Think well of yourself.
ouibijou 15
It's a gift receipt
Kitten_Calderon 14
Valentines day is about LOVE, and that includes yourself, your family. Take them out or a friend or two, you won't be alone and you can remind these people you love them, too. :) or treat yourself to something nice
adams7955 2
sounds like you are fat and ugly and thats why you are alone