Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

Partyblocked

Today, it's my birthday. I'd asked my mom weeks ago if she could watch my kids, so my husband and I could go celebrate. She told me an hour before we were supposed to leave I'd have to reschedule, so she could watch my brother's kids while he goes out for fun. Gee, thanks mom. FML

Drive

Today, it was my birthday. Two of my best friends forgot it, and so did my grandparents. All of my friends were busy, so I spent it alone in my car. FML

Lower your expectations

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year-olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML

I hate surprises

Today, my husband and kids apparently forgot my birthday. I was so happy at first because I have always hated my birthday, and thought it could just be another day on the calendar. No. They planned and threw a massive surprise party for me when I got home from work. FML

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing "Happy birthday" with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

Dude, where's my car?

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a three month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML