Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend insisted on doing some stupid TikTok where we say one thing we’d change about each other. She hates that I don’t always put plates straight in the dishwasher. I hate that she gets her makeup all over the sink without cleaning it. She got mad and threw a book at my head. FML
Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend moved into my house and I have now discovered she is one of those evil, unnatural beings: a Morning Person. FML
Today, my girlfriend hates my friends and I'm not allowed to talk or hang out with them. She keeps threatening my job. The only reason I'm still with her is because she will try and get me fired. She's crazy and so is the rest of her family. FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I realized I hate my wife with a fiery passion. I honestly don’t even care. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Today, it's been a year since the girl I'm madly in love with completely cut off all communication with me. She called me crying a year ago, saying she couldn't do the long-distance, unaware I was planning on moving closer to her. Not once has she reached out, and has a girlfriend now. I think about her every night. FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
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Top comments
springbok_fml 2
break up?
wmsdubstep 6
Get something bigger and slap her with it!
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Comments (123)
Pixii 0
Maybe it's time to start dating women and stop dating girls
slice_89 0
Sanity is better then sex!
Daralea 21
Does one of the things you like about her include how her biceps glisten as she lifts the couch over her head? But seriously, man, you two have problems. Write it as a year of net loss and call it in.
Daralea 21
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CuCuKitty 4
98- Also, a good chance they'll get hit in the face with a chifferobe.
hamguin48 2
What kind of furniture I picture a really strong angry girl trying to whip a couch at you
Hunts160 5
that's confusingly random
dansco 25
Unless she is a **** in bed, why are you still with her???
BadMeetsEvil305 0
Tell her "Get on your knees bitch, never throw a man's things! Ever!" and after she gets on her knees, well you know the rest.
funfofa 1
why would you ever hate someone for somethibg like that?!