Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML
Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML
Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML
Today, I sneezed so bad in public that I dropped my coffee, kicked it while trying to catch it, and watched it slide dramatically across the floor into someone’s shoe. They gasped like I'd committed a crime. I just whispered, “Sorry” and fled. FML
Today, I was on the bus, heading to work, when the girl beside me started yelling at me, claiming I was staring down her shirt. I did no such thing, but the driver nonetheless stopped the bus and made me get off, all under the withering glares of the other passengers. FML
Today, I was at a coffee shop, trying to get to know the cute new barista. I wanted to compliment his nice eyes, but I got nervous and blurted out, "You have nice elbows!" He stared at me, confused, as I quickly grabbed my coffee and left. Now I can't even imagine going back there. FML
Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. Then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him, giving me the evil eye. FML
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Top comments
Redoxx_fml 22
What. The. ****?
rhaemese 9
That, is disgusting.
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Comments (114)
Redoxx_fml 22
What. The. ****?
rhaemese 9
My thoughts exactly.
hockeyoceancity 13
9- Your thoughts were actually, "that, is disgusting."
DJP0N3 0
Cant tell if trolli g or serious
Futacy 30
WTF!? She's accusing you? She's the one who dug her hand in her pants right in front of you to pull her panties out of her ass!
rhaemese 9
26 my thought was initially what the ****, but someone already said that. Afterward that is disgusting came to mind.
StoryOfTheYear 15
She has the worst case of wishful thinking I've ever heard of.
Redoxx_fml 22
26-Stop visually molesting 9
airforce987 20
The sad part is, I'm not even surprised that something as absurd as "visual molestation" could be accused of someone in this day in age. People today are so ******* uptight and paranoid about sexual abuse, so much so that even looking at someone the wrong way is one step short of being illegal. It's just ******* disgusting, the absurdity of it all.
starman02 12
Totally agree airforce987
tjv3 10
Well I hope you either asked for a refund if you already paid or if you didn't pay first I hope you left
FiFiLovee 26
And then you bitch slapped her for being a moron right? -.- Not only is she a unhygienic pig, but she seems to also be a rude ****.
rhaemese 9
That, is disgusting.
hockeyoceancity 13
9- Your thoughts were actually, "That, is disgusting."
THE_A_TEEN 28
Like no way! I could have never figured it out on my own. Thanks for the help, Captain Obvious!
IAmJad 18
I know. A manager needs to be spoken to.
natalie_sucks 9
You're rude as ****.✋
paolayupp 6
I visually molest my baristas all the time too.. They don't mind it though.
MikeonFML 17
Reminds me of hall pass...mm I took mental photos as well
OLIVIAx33 6
Reminds me of the lady with the cold sore
Youngnut18 6
Haha does anyone else notice OP name was "bitchimgay" ?
qwtf 14
I hope she wasn't handling your order.... Btw love the name XD
redbluegreen 41
She was.
bengermin 5
Um.. Baristas don't exactly touch the coffee, how could her germs get into your drink?
Booch1117 4
OP's name sounds like something the based god would say.
outoftown 27
#40, A barista behaving like this is a health hazard. Butt = E. coli, to name one.
outoftown 27
#40, Oh, and don't forget the sneezing into hand. And this is what she is doing in front of one customer. Wouldn't trust her hygiene with any food/containers.
DontClickOnMe 28
That's nasty, but at least you saw what happened, so now you know not to drink the coffee. If she won't make you another one after she washes her hands, then you should see if someone else can make it for you or talk to a manager.
sugarmommy 4
at least it was only a beverage. could be worse..
ALpein 0
You're an idiot.
Bluemonster3 26
What a bitch
perdix 31
Where do you think the "crema" comes from?
THE_A_TEEN 28
From the the front, obviously. Starbucks has its own milking plant that forces people to... You know and ship the product as conveniently labeled "dairy cream".
every1luvsboners 11
1) Find empty cup 2) Go to bathroom 3) Take shite in cup 4) Throw cup full of shite at her 5) Run
yankfan89 27
Have you done that before?
Sarcastic_x 6
Yup, that should solve everything.
jetsown08 21
Actually, 23, I have indeed. It didn't end up well either. I was charged with disorderly conduct, assault, battery, and domestic terrorism. Apparently, the glowing green stuff in my feces was "radioactive" and could have "seriously hurt" somebody.
PoseidonsSon 3
Monkey rules dictate throwing your own poo everywhere fixes any problem.
jetty254567 0
Yes. Just yes.
AlexBblah 10
You had radioactive substances in your poo? Dafuq did you eat?
I_lost_the_game 25
31- Name + Comment = Win
FweakofCydonia 40
He was joking. :)
Bjuddstr 4
Visually raped, huh? Every guy is In trouble when it comes to going to the beach.
Llamacod 11
no, not visually raped, visually molest. where did you learn to read again?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Where did you learn to spell, again?
AlexBblah 10
That's why you use sunglasses! Dont get caught looking upon a chick she'll go bonkers