Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML
Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML
Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML
Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML
Today, I was sitting next to my friend as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Some asshole got the bright idea to shove his face in the cake, but they missed and pushed me in instead. The candles were still lit. My hair caught fire. FML
Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML
Today, I showed up to my friend’s birthday party with a huge cake... on what turned out to be the wrong day. The actual party is tomorrow. Her family laughed and thought if was cute, but I just wanted the floor to open up and let me disappear. FML
Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML
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Top comments
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
I hope you're exaggerating when you say you actually yelled at him for that.
fmlsarah 0
sucks to be married to you...
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Comments (157)
amystar1 0
I agree #32! If you want to look for some sympathy, it's in the dictionary between "Shit" and "Syphilis", cause you aren't gonna find it here. You ought to be lucky to have such a thoughtful and loving man that would do that for his friend. You, Ma'am, are a cold and heartless bitch.
_Elizabeth_ 0
I agree with the people calling you a bitch. And I hope that you were using the term 'yelled' loosely. Because, otherwise, it would suck being married to you, yelling because the guy wasn't RIGHT there when you called him to blow out candles, and it was on his ******* birthday. Sheesh. That should be one of the days when you DON'T yell at a person.
5bye7 0
if i were you i would kill myself
Melanie_fml 0
holy fuckballs, guys 'YELLED AT' can simply mean she raised her voice to tell him to get in there for the cake, because he was in another room, rather than...yanno...looking. Lots of people yell ALL THE TIME, it doesn't mean she was being a bitch or anything. It was probably more along the lines of 'Hey Bob, c'mon we're all waiting on yooooou! :) HURRY UP! :D " (emoticon for the stunted). I wonder reading the serious comments how many ppl around here have never lived w/ someone in a relationship. You're in for a rude awakening I think, some of you. Heh.
Shadic 0
And you prove yourself to be a horrible, self-centered person. 37 - It's context. And I basically do live with my significant other. It's unacceptable.
Gawain_fml 0
Wow...the words "succubus" and "putrid festering **** with delusions of grandeur" come to mind.
Gawain_fml 0
Wow, what a succubus.
lifesabit 0
#37 if that was it I would hardly think that would constitute a FML. Either that or the women is really pathetic.... "I called out for my husband to come blow out his candles, but he was helping a disabled friend. FML cause it was really embarasssing, and I called out for him with 20 other people there who now think that I'm a person who calls out for people when they are busy. Fml." Yeah... no. Shes a bitch or she is a thin skinned dumbass. Possibly both, but not neither.
wallythedolly 0
He should divorce you.
_Elizabeth_ 0
#37: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.