Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML
Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML
Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML
Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML
Today, I was sitting next to my friend as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Some asshole got the bright idea to shove his face in the cake, but they missed and pushed me in instead. The candles were still lit. My hair caught fire. FML
Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML
Today, I showed up to my friend’s birthday party with a huge cake... on what turned out to be the wrong day. The actual party is tomorrow. Her family laughed and thought if was cute, but I just wanted the floor to open up and let me disappear. FML
Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML
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Top comments
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
I hope you're exaggerating when you say you actually yelled at him for that.
fmlsarah 0
sucks to be married to you...
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Comments (157)
Ox_Baker 0
Man, I thought my ex-wife was a bitch. By the way, your life isn't ******. You're ******. The lives of the people who are unfortunate to be around you are ******.
stephaniedee 0
ROFL #14: perfect description hahahaha
Bubs_fml 0
What a way to bitch out a guy and bark orders on his birthday. Stupid bitch. I bet he's glad he spent his life savings to buy you a ring. It's not "FML." It's more like "FY". I'll leave it at that.
wrestler_fml 0
Wow, you're a d**che. Have you realized that yet? Treat him better. WTF. If he's the kind of guy who would HONESTLY change somebody else's DIAPER (almost resembles what jesus did in a way), and you're someone who b*tches at him ON HIS OWN BIRTHDAY because SELFISH YOU wanted him to blow out his candles on YOUR schedule..... You don't even deserve him to begin with. But don't get all whiny and huffy and be like i dont deserve you, and act like you're leaving. That would hurt him worse. What you need to do is better yourself, become more nice, loving, kind, humble, and attracted to him. Show him that he's worth something, and he's not just your b*tch to take out your anger at. You're definitely the jerk in the entire relationship, not him. I can tell you that right now. Start treating him right.
kaseyface 0
to everyone thats calling her a bitch, lay off. she probably feels horrible as it is. maybe she was using the term 'yelled' loosely. she couldn't have known what he was doing, otherwise i doubt she would've gotten mad. good for him, for being such a nice friend but for all we know, the party was on a schedule or something and he had to blow out his candles before some of the guests had to leave and she wanted to make sure everyone was there to see it. both the husband and wife are probably feeling humiliated as it is, and i'm sure she doesn't need to be yelled at by a bunch of teenagers for making a mistake.
Llama_Face89 34
While you make a passably valid argument that's STILL no excuse for yelling at him for something so minor, and on his birthday no less. Wether or not he was helping a friend OP is STILL an overbearing bitch.
Herbal_fml 0
Ok why in the world would you yell at your spouse in front of 20 people for something so little?
neonoodle 0
reminds me of my 6th birthday when I hid underneath the bed when it was time to blow out the candles. I made my mom cry and was scarred for life.
FunniestGuyEver 0
You are a horrible, horrible person. You're very lucky that he's not filing divorce papers as we speak. Message to your husband: Leave her while you still have some pride.
kellster 2
Wow. Um. Maybe you should have checked to see if he was available before you lit the candles. What if he'd been in the bathroom or something? Or on the phone with his boss? People aren't just automatically there when you want them to be, you know. And it sucks that you yelled at him on his birthday, in front of lots of people. I'm sure you must be feeling really embarrassed about this now, but yeah - a little check beforehand could have spared you both this situation.
Bubs_fml 0
#27: If "she" (if this FML is even real) didn't want to get insulted by a bunch of teenagers, she should not have posted it on this website. She's a douche and she shouldn't have even have posted this. Even if you took out the bit with the disabled friend, flipping out at a spouse for not being RIGHT there when she wanted him to blow out his birthday candles means she should pull the stick out of her ass. I pity the husband. That's given that this FML is real. Probably not.