Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML
Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML
Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML
Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML
Today, I was sitting next to my friend as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Some asshole got the bright idea to shove his face in the cake, but they missed and pushed me in instead. The candles were still lit. My hair caught fire. FML
Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML
Today, I showed up to my friend’s birthday party with a huge cake... on what turned out to be the wrong day. The actual party is tomorrow. Her family laughed and thought if was cute, but I just wanted the floor to open up and let me disappear. FML
Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML
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Top comments
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
I hope you're exaggerating when you say you actually yelled at him for that.
fmlsarah 0
sucks to be married to you...
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Comments (157)
MetalCraze 11
your husband is awesome your a a heartless ****
xFenix81x 0
If i was him, i would have spin-slapped you clear out of the front window.
Kebbles8891 0
i thought i was an asshole...
Dinglenuts 0
I think it would be best for everybody here if you were to be found tomorrow hanging in your garage. Yelling at a man on his birthday is not only unacceptable, but it's degrading and embarrassing. You should be lucky you have such a generous man (though I don't know WHY the hell he would want to be near you AT ALL let alone propose). If you're looking for sympathy, look it up because the Internet is harsh and cruel, yet nowhere near your capabilities. As for all the "protectors", I'll hand you some rope as well and you can feel free to join Bitchy McSaggytits.
woahmandi 0
i love how in this fml you're married.. but in the one above it from you, your christian BOYFRIEND broke up with you because you're athiest. you seriously are a stupid mother ******. get a ******* life. in the past 10 minutes i've read probably over ten others from you.
kellyissmelly 0
Are you ******** me? You seriously don't think Noname is a real person do you? Holy crap, get a life and try to know what you're talking about befor you tell someone off.
BrEnNo1023 5
yes. i have seen 4 completely different stories from Noname all posted on practically the same day. One minute she's someone's atheist ex-girlfriend, next she's grounded through facebook, now she's yelling at her husband. weirdness
pentameter 0
Hahaha, you're a dumbass! If you don't fill out the "nickname" form while submitting an FML, your nickname is automatically noname. Wow, you guys are ******* stupid.
annoyingllama 0
It's automatically anonymous...
qazwerty 5
it's automatically Anonymous NOW, but it USED to be Noname
Bwee_The_Emo 0
and i though i was an ass lol
PutDownTheGun 0
YDI for being hasty to judge and for being a self-centered bitch.
shitocky 0
Wow dude, get a life and don't be such a jerk.
hobsonbrendan 0
wow. He should leave your controlling, bitchy ass and find a nicer, thinner, prettier woman.
eehizle 0
dick. head.