Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML
Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML
Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML
Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML
Today, I was sitting next to my friend as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Some asshole got the bright idea to shove his face in the cake, but they missed and pushed me in instead. The candles were still lit. My hair caught fire. FML
Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML
Today, I showed up to my friend’s birthday party with a huge cake... on what turned out to be the wrong day. The actual party is tomorrow. Her family laughed and thought if was cute, but I just wanted the floor to open up and let me disappear. FML
Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML
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Top comments
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
I hope you're exaggerating when you say you actually yelled at him for that.
fmlsarah 0
sucks to be married to you...
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Comments (157)
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
I hope you're exaggerating when you say you actually yelled at him for that.
trollskitroll 0
You deserve it for being a bitch. I hope that he breaks up with you and starts dating his disabled friend. Then they can quietly spoon on your couch after he wins all of your possessions, leaving you a smelly old bum that lives under a bridge. Then, one day you can crawl out from under your bridge and your former husband will walk by, and seeing his former wife, will exclaim, I hope that crazy women doesn't ask me for change. Then you walk over and he will notice it was you... and later he will be on FML telling us how he met him homeless bitch of an ex-wife. Good day
KiSsKiZzy 0
Does spouse mean husband?
tipoo_fml 0
When combined with "He" in a sentence, generally yes.
crazytoaster 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wouldn't the world be a better place if women would just shut the **** up and listen for a change. I imagine the converstation went something like this: OP: WHY WERE YOU NOT HERE TO BLOW OUT YOUR CANDLES?!?! BF: Ummm, you know Mike my disabled friend? Well....... OP: I GO TO ALL THIS WORK AND YOU JUST IGNORE ME! YOUR A SELFISH PIG! YOU NEVER APPRECIATE ME! BF: Actually, i have a pretty good reason OP: NO YOU DON'T! THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME! EVERYTHING I DO IS THE BEST!!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!! (It just becomes noise after a while). BF: Honey, i was helping Mike quietly change his diaper. You know Mike, my diabled friend? OP: Well, ummmm, sorry?? BF: Get the **** out of my house.
Drummer389000 0
hahahaahahaha :)
hayleyalice 0
yes partner- whatever
Cathica 8
I'd just like to say, not all women are like that. Just like how not all men think about sex all the time. It's just the minority who are bitches (like OP) who portray all women and controlling and horrible.
UltimateGIRness 16
115-not all women are like that. I actually listen to what people tell me and pay attention to other people
clever_name_here 7
Yea
fmlsarah 0
sucks to be married to you...
Jbiebs82 0
Your a bitch. I'm glad I don't know you. You shouldve asked first
ItsTimeToStop 12
I would say the same thing he said to you
Lou_Briccant 0
Very smooth. And I thought I was an asshole.
Mallika 0
thats messed up. i hope he leaves you for being sucha bitch
NorfolkDude 2
lol. Oh well, you couldn't have known where he was. Next time try to be discrete about things. I mean it was his birthday, so obviously he would be excited and if he's missing or went off to another room, then it probably means he has some important matters to tend to.
OperationNicole_fml 0
There's no reason to yell at your spouse in front of 20 people. It's humiliating and degrading, what happens in a couple stays there. End of story. Remember that for the future.
Raven_fml 0
**** his life is more appropriate. It seems so absurd than anyone would seriously yell at someone for not blowing out candles wtf.
itsme33_fml 0
you yelled at him on his birthday? wow i wouldnt marry you.
blacklagoon_fml 0
Today, it was my birthday. I had to change a grown man's diaper. And then my wife yelled at me for it. FML
yay_fml 0
That is probably the dumbest reason to yell at someone.