Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML
Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML
Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML
Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML
Today, I was sitting next to my friend as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Some asshole got the bright idea to shove his face in the cake, but they missed and pushed me in instead. The candles were still lit. My hair caught fire. FML
Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML
Today, I showed up to my friend’s birthday party with a huge cake... on what turned out to be the wrong day. The actual party is tomorrow. Her family laughed and thought if was cute, but I just wanted the floor to open up and let me disappear. FML
Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML
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Top comments
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
I hope you're exaggerating when you say you actually yelled at him for that.
fmlsarah 0
sucks to be married to you...
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Comments (157)
DasKomet 0
Your husband sounds like the best friend ever. You should buy him a big TV
Emmett_Luver_101 0
lol number 10 speaks the truth youra bitch for yelling at him for not blowing out his candles and...why would you light the candles if hes not in the room? smart smart
donthate 0
Who are you, his mom?
idiocyisnormal 0
Well aren't you just a raving ****. Short fuse?
madelinex 0
wooooow.
jduc054 0
wow thats so mean of u on his bday!
btrswt 0
For not coming to blow out HIS candles? I don't know how he stays with someone who craves drama so much. Wow. Grow up a little. Life's not all about you.
Aurora164 4
wow... changing his disabled friend's diaper...? How did you land a guy a like that?
Sugar_lipsXo 0
BITCH R-E-S-P-E-C-T
24788 7
Be more patient and ask what's wrong next time. Sounds like no communication.