Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
WarmedIce 0
haha that's bites!
uupa99 0
that sure sucks, firebutt.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
JennaXRawr 0
Lol, thanks guys, after reading these comments, I had to register on this site and give you guys the full story since my submission could only have 300 characters. I was sitting on the ground, cleaning out my horses' water bucket. I was wearing shorts, and I apparently sat on a nest of them without knowing. I felt a pain and I stood up to find a crapton of ants crawling around on the ground. Sadly, I was wearing cut off shorts, so some of the ants were "weaved" into the strings that hung from the end of my shorts. I began to rub them off crazily and cursing while they kept biting away...let's just say my horse gave me the weirdest look in the word :) You guys make me laugh :P
evildemonchild 18
ouch but hey least you lived :D
UpYoursInAdvance 0
OKay???
barbarajean 0
At least you have a cool nickname...
jrcoleman17 0
U better call 911 cuz her ass is on FIRE!!!
lilkilla13 0
how the hell did u get ant bites there anyway? what is that a new technique of masturbation? and those fee ants didn't go to where u wanted for ur ******
Senseless_487 29
I'm pretty sure she explained the story. #58 was OP. You should read a bit before you post.
JennaXRawr 0
Oh aren't you funny ? Read my comment which completely explains how I got bit, genius :)
heavymetalman1 0
Please, your parents probably caught you with an eniema bag up your ass and thats why they call you firebutt.
brittanynsimons 0
the gift that keeps giving... lol... It's called herp.
XDsmile 0
poor fire butt! :)
maryamd 3
I feel you I got attacked by a group of them yesterday and some random bug bit me today too :(
nikkibabes 1
haha :)
spiderbesideher 0
scratch it