Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
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Top comments
WarmedIce 0
haha that's bites!
uupa99 0
that sure sucks, firebutt.
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Comments (95)
InfiltratedMind 0
I re-nickname thee Itchy McBit Butt
Dion69 0
Dude that's an awesome nickname
Teenybopper13 0
My parents call me mousebutt. you have it lucky....
mattxhavoc 2
This is an FML? Grow up.
hedgehogs 0
You need medical help. I hope your parents are getting it for you. I had some spider bites get infected once. Serious business.
GeekboyCol 0
Here, I'll kiss it better for you...
bfsd42 20
why is that an FML? I would imagine that it is a common occurrence and ur parents are just having a laugh. Get over it OP.
maxrider 0
wudup fiebutt
bmdill 0
better than firecrotch!!!
Desi_Dion 8
You lost me at " i went to reinspect my butt"