Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
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Top comments
WarmedIce 0
haha that's bites!
uupa99 0
that sure sucks, firebutt.
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Comments (95)
liloneex3 0
its better than fire crotch. >.<
katieebug 0
awwhh I'm sorry..... firebutt :)
idkmyusername 0
how does that happen? were you having anal sex with the fire ants?
idkmyusername 0
AGAIN.???
AllyL0ve 0
Just remember one day you will be dating someone and your parents will tell this story to "that special someone." So get use to hearing the story and the nickname.
Seana_fml 6
lol that gives a whole new meaning to hot pants!
Emmy_The_Great 2
New definition if "firecrotch" !
evildemonchild 18
lmfao @47 op: WTF were you doing? no problem burnbutt :D just use anti itching cream :) it's a brand new product u should try :D
jnjones04 0
better than a fire crotch lmfao
UpYoursInAdvance 0
Let me put some *Cream* on it for ya hm?, hm?, hm?!
mintcar 10
Hahaha.
mintcar 10
Pour acid on the ant bites. It'll help alleviate the itching and the burning.