Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML
Today, there was a wasp tangled in my bed sheets. I found this out when I rolled over it in my sleep, and it stung me on the lower back. FML
Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML
Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML
Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I'd fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
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Top comments
CherryBomb511 3
Shower son.
theunwiseone 4
Catch them and tie a little rope around their legs and u can eventually train them to love u, maybe.
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Comments (75)
kathuzada 6
Now that is interracial
gemno333 8
believe me. i know that feeling lolbelieve me. i know that feeling lol
theunwiseone 4
Such a shitty comment u had to say it twice. Such a shitty comment u had to say it twice.
FMLephant 2
Sometimes it's the little things that make us smile....
kareltje 17
Maybe those flies landing on you is (one of the) reason(s) why you haven't been touched by anyONE. Go take a shower and go out in the world instead of trying to find sympathy in a virtual world!
Freeze_fml 17
That's the most action you'll ever get.
dreamering 16
Were they sucking you (blood intended ;)
monkeymatt 0
What???
Watzrname 0
Were they "spanish" flies??
leadman1989 16
I hope you know they were eating you out. Yeah it's gross flies throw up acid and then suck in the partially digested material, in this case your skin cells.
miz66independent 1
There's a skeeter on your Peter, knock it off!
sugarkiller_fml 6
Touch starvation.