Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML
Today, there was a wasp tangled in my bed sheets. I found this out when I rolled over it in my sleep, and it stung me on the lower back. FML
Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML
Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML
Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I'd fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
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Top comments
CherryBomb511 3
Shower son.
theunwiseone 4
Catch them and tie a little rope around their legs and u can eventually train them to love u, maybe.
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Comments (75)
loserman67 36
Sounds like you neeed the following: A: A good hot shower with plenty of soap. B: New screens for your windows and/or doors C: A good house cleaning (throwing out all the old food around your bed) D: A visit from the pest control man and most important of all... E: a LIFE......
LovelyLadyFriend 9
Uhmm...maybe a bath would help you with this...issue?
SpamEatingChikn 0
This is when you know it's time to dispose of the body of that hooker u murdered last month
Calyx_fml 22
Flies love the smell of stale tuna.
Mourningstar 4
Lame. Loss weight and shower. You'd be amazed how much of a great start it is......
hayleyak 0
That's sorta sad
HomeAl0ne 20
If you like the feel of flies landing on your back, you'll love vultures. Take yourself on a camping trip to Death Valley.
XxAlyssaaBabyyxX 3
Sounds like a personal problem.. You should get that checked.
Gela96 0
Forever alone. Lolnojk. That sux
dancegirlva93 0
I agree. It's nice to see someone defending op!!