Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML
Today, there was a wasp tangled in my bed sheets. I found this out when I rolled over it in my sleep, and it stung me on the lower back. FML
Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML
Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML
Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I'd fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
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Top comments
CherryBomb511 3
Shower son.
theunwiseone 4
Catch them and tie a little rope around their legs and u can eventually train them to love u, maybe.
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Comments (75)
thesiwel 0
First
gazzdogs 5
wow damn I wish I was cool enough to be first!
CherryBomb511 3
You fail at life my friend.
thesiwel 0
Yeah I couldn't help it
StoryOfTheYear 15
Jealousy is just pouring out of me. Congratulations though! For the time that you get to stay up there at least. :D
Ruler3000 17
Do you feel accomplished? Kiss your comment goodbai!
CherryBomb511 3
Shower son.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Don't think she needs a shower. Last thing they need to do is stay inside their house.
CherryBomb511 3
She could also eliminate the source of the flies...just a thought.
indielove 13
It won't be long before they decide that they don't want to touch you anymore.
enonymous 9
19 - I agree how long before she nags them to death
rexgar2000 10
pretty pathetic that she finds pleated on that.
ShayDeeBayBe 0
Lmaoooo
larry12693 1
I think op just figured out why he hasn't been touched in so long
Cashtangoteam 10
That's hot
netherflame 0
There's a fetish for that.
WadeWilson_fml 6
That.. is rather sad.
michi23 0
Seriously, he needs some friends.
theunwiseone 4
Catch them and tie a little rope around their legs and u can eventually train them to love u, maybe.
thejedi08 10
YDI for smelling like trash!
Scar_loves_you 0
And you Deserve me calling you a douche.
mike410 0
I bet your used to flys bro, you look like a hobo
FLASH7221 0
What does YDI MEAN
perdix 31
Enjoy it while you can. In a generation or two, the flies are going to evolve and decide that you are gross and untouchable, just like the human race already has.
hayleyjames 0
That's disgusting, clean your house how can you have that many flies in your house that they tickle you when they land
mea_iloveskiing 26
Imagine a beehive!
stephan18 23
No.
RA661 8
And you're not the only one..