Dwindling

Besides the ordinary stress and struggles that couples face, the last 2-3 years have been very stressful on many people. There was a pandemic and the stresses of dealing with that and the protection steps required, being stuck at home for many people, and economic struggles as the pandemic affected people’s jobs and livelihoods… OP, give yourself and your husband the credit you deserve for surviving the past few years. Don’t discount that lots of us have been so stressed that even the healthiest relationships have been strained… Yes, couples can drift apart and that can happen in good and bad times. Often there are times when a couple may feel closer or further apart just during ordinary life. Think carefully, is your relationship salvageable? You have to communicate to figure that out - But it’s much better to do that at a time when both can calmly discuss things and instead of it being one party attacking the other and the other just feeling defensive. Give and take - talk and listen. You may find that there are reasons your partner acts or feels the way they do and it might not be related to you and vice versa. I can tell you that if you really want to tell your partner something, you need to do as much honest listening as talking. And if you want to listen, you probably need to talk too… As a formerly divorced man I can tell you two things that might be of interest: (1) Real couples need time apart and time together or they will eventually move further and further apart. Both are very important for most people… (2) Divorce is expensive, especially if there are children, and causes a feeling of emotional loss regardless of if you initiate the proceedings or not. But sometimes, it can be preferable overall if the situation becomes an existential crisis. The short version is that it’s better to work on the relationship than to give up - But if all else fails, there are options… OP in my first marriage we drifted apart despite sharing a home and a child. It can happen and when it goes too far it is difficult to mend. I resolved after that to put effort into maintaining my relationship. I also relearned that every couple needs the occasional “me time” for their own sanity - My wife is a “bargain hunter” and enjoys shopping for bargains and getting together with some of her women’s groups. I enjoy electronics (I am an electronic engineer), movies, and books. We each enjoy our own occasional diversions but we also talk to each other.

I will pass on the best advice I got within the last 12 months: “Just get a divorce and move on already.”

Besides the ordinary stress and struggles that couples face, the last 2-3 years have been very stressful on many people. There was a pandemic and the stresses of dealing with that and the protection steps required, being stuck at home for many people, and economic struggles as the pandemic affected people’s jobs and livelihoods… OP, give yourself and your husband the credit you deserve for surviving the past few years. Don’t discount that lots of us have been so stressed that even the healthiest relationships have been strained… Yes, couples can drift apart and that can happen in good and bad times. Often there are times when a couple may feel closer or further apart just during ordinary life. Think carefully, is your relationship salvageable? You have to communicate to figure that out - But it’s much better to do that at a time when both can calmly discuss things and instead of it being one party attacking the other and the other just feeling defensive. Give and take - talk and listen. You may find that there are reasons your partner acts or feels the way they do and it might not be related to you and vice versa. I can tell you that if you really want to tell your partner something, you need to do as much honest listening as talking. And if you want to listen, you probably need to talk too… As a formerly divorced man I can tell you two things that might be of interest: (1) Real couples need time apart and time together or they will eventually move further and further apart. Both are very important for most people… (2) Divorce is expensive, especially if there are children, and causes a feeling of emotional loss regardless of if you initiate the proceedings or not. But sometimes, it can be preferable overall if the situation becomes an existential crisis. The short version is that it’s better to work on the relationship than to give up - But if all else fails, there are options… OP in my first marriage we drifted apart despite sharing a home and a child. It can happen and when it goes too far it is difficult to mend. I resolved after that to put effort into maintaining my relationship. I also relearned that every couple needs the occasional “me time” for their own sanity - My wife is a “bargain hunter” and enjoys shopping for bargains and getting together with some of her women’s groups. I enjoy electronics (I am an electronic engineer), movies, and books. We each enjoy our own occasional diversions but we also talk to each other.

I will pass on the best advice I got within the last 12 months: “Just get a divorce and move on already.”

You ought to explain your situation with your boss. They'll probably buy you a cot and some wine to eliminate your problem altogether while working 16 hour days. Win-win-win!

That's a major red flag. I strongly suggest marriage counseling or some sort of help.

If you don't have kids, leave him, start over, reboot, and move on. You gotta look out for yourself and your needs. If you have kids, then maybe try some couples counseling for their sake and your own.