Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I woke up to my lovely 16-month old with her diaper on. When I stood up to retrieve and toss it, I also realized she'd pooped into her hand and thrown a log onto the middle of the floor. FML
Today, my 2-year-old woke up from her nap with a full diaper, then decided to climb down from her bed and got stuck under the railing, leaving a stinky trail of poop everywhere. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ediciusNJ 0
This reinforces my belief that children are not sweet, cute and good-smelling but instead nasty, disgusting-smelling carriers of filth.
jpgray1982 0
haha poo face
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (84)
TheCoolGuy3434 0
that is disgustingly hilarious!!!!!!!!!
Cristaderzi 0
I can use the whatever however whenever anywhere anytime cause I earned my right!!! while most ya were out partyin I was serving to protect you fools!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PS due to a disability I cat have kids but all of my nieces are doing fine!!!!!!!! LOL
myfriend_youfail 3
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Honey baby, I've seen some of your other idiotic comments on this website, and I can pretty much guarantee that you're just a troll. You've earned the right to be an idiotic ass (and earned it simply through being born and sucking down the air we other unfortunate souls who have to live in the same universe as you also breathe), but really...having the right to do something doesn't mean you SHOULD do it. So how about yo go throw out your keyboard, smack your head against a wall a few more times, and then quietly go have some "alone time" in your mommy's basement. Thanks, sweetie pie! And thank God you're sterile. Please don't adopt either. You're too stupid to be a parent.
myfriend_youfail 3
Oh damn, I failed. I fed the troll. I should have just left it at "I'm sorry, I don't speak Douchebag. English, please?" Oh well. Feast away, Cristaderzi.
mercedeslove 0
why would you even want one of the shitfaced assholes. Life is better without them.
intint50 0
wow. in one comment, myfriend_youfail has just risen to my top 2 favourite comment posters, second only to snickerdoodles. congrats and... LOL.
tlnewman10 0
haha man yr life is totally ****** up
renaissancegrrl 0
YDI for not having her potty trained.
dzerzhinsky 0
lol FYL, my kid did this today and plastered his wall with it, the little bastard. FML etc
Cristaderzi 0
Ugh Projecting much Im far from a troll! Having an opinion isnt trolling maybe you should back and get a clue!! And I know you wouldnt say ANY of that to anyones face!! Most of ya are Sooo tough online but ib real life just immature club kids And umm And oh I OWN my own house at age 31!! Soooo F off stupid kid!!
sleepygamer 0
Just a note, Cristaderzi, owning your own house at 31 isn't that great of an achievement. My girlfriend owns her own house, and she's 20. And telling "immature club kids" to "f off" is real mature. *Bows* Fare thee well, fine troll. Fare thee well.
Deviety 5
I agree with renaissancegrrl, my kid was pottytrained before she was 2...So were all the kids my friends have, I dont know what your doing complaining! And how do you not wake up to the amount of noise a two year old makes? YTDI
GeorgeBoosh 0
Two of my sons were completely potty trained by 12 months, and the third still had 'accidents' until he was 9 years old. They all different! One of the kids was a bad sleeper who would keep us awake all night, and he'd sleep walk. I hear ya.
jonny2x4 0
Since no one mentioned it yet... DIRRRTY SANCHEZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!
plethora 3
+1
hex32808 0
YDI for falling asleep with a two year old in your care
xlostwithoutu 0
Yeah cause people don't doze off. Or maybe somebody else was awake in the house and the child was wandering. Or maybe this was happening in the morning and the father hadent woken up yet. Or maybe she came out of her bed when she wasn't supposed to.
xlostwithoutu 0
Ew...thats gross and unsanitary for both you and your daughter. Change her diaper.... and tell her not to put her hand down there or it might make you both sick.