Today, I woke up to find my freshly dry-cleaned $200 suit not on my bed. Instead I found my drunk ex-girlfriend. Not only did she break into my house, she decided that she wanted to sleep in my bed and threw my suit into the trash. I have a job interview today and the garbage men already came. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML
Today, I got burgled. Not only did he steal my TV and game consoles, but he took a huge diarrhea dump in my underwear drawer and wiped his ass with my tailored suit. The dry cleaner won't accept it because it's a biohazard. FML
Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML
Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, I Febrezed my one remaining suit because I haven’t had a chance to go to the dry cleaners yet. I Febrezed it over the bed, so some got on the sheets. My girlfriend then got home and hit me in the head with a vase, because she thought the Febreze on the sheets was another woman’s perfume. FML
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
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Top comments
Maddoctor 10
I smell a restraining order...
sparkey0127 0
i'd second that sniff
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Comments (87)
purplekites 0
if you just dry cleaned it why would you put it on the bed? most of the people dont even want to fold their clothes when theyre fresh out the cleaners specially if they call it their "good suit"
apfunction 0
#11: he said "the trash", not "the garbage can all the way out on the curb". he could have a garbage can in his room that she threw it in.
sociosd 0
Wow. A $200 suit. She probably threw it in the trash because it looked like a $200 suit. She probably did you a favor buddy.
MC2NextLevel 7
Idiot
kelleyb323 0
she really walked outside to the trash that was left out for the garbage man to take? doubtful.
twilitchaser15 0
lock her away,then throw away the key. dude just get a restraining order she seems to be disturbed.
browncoat 0
Normally I'm against ever hitting a woman...but that bitch needs to be slapped
ChaplainNinja 0
Lawsuit?
moronslayer 0
A two hundred dollar suit is cheap as shit. you probably got it at jc penny or something like that.
Casey3561 0
$200 for a suit? Guaranteed that's not much of a loss. My suits are midrange, and were $600 each. A $200 suit is likely going to fit like a brown paper sack.
urmove 0
even 600 is a low range suit. they don't get good until u hit the 1100 mark. 200 will only get you a pretty good pair of shoes
remmy5517 1
In the trash is where a $200 suit belongs