Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML
Today, my 76 year-old mother-in-law stayed the night at our house. I bumped into her on the way to the bathroom during the night. She discovered I sleep naked. Sadly, I found out that she does, too. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML
Today, I locked myself out while taking the trash downstairs. I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and a winter coat over nothing else. My neighbor offered to help, then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh while I explained that my keys were sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
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Top comments
lettertjes 0
Ohhh that's bad I would be totally freaked out. Maybe you should also think about what caused the sleepwalking and do something about that. The most common causes are stress and alcohol abuse.
maskedman 9
It's a good thing you're a woman. If you were a man you'd be registering as a sex offender right now. Then it wouldn't matter where you move.
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Comments (129)
cracktus 0
Wish I lived next to you, OP.
eastside09 0
ok r u kiding me it's a girl she sleeps naked y in the hell would u say dnt sleep naked wat r u gay or somethin
chunkyguy 0
hey next time lock from inside and eat the key, when you do the 'morning job' next morning pick it from there before flushing.
TempestJones 0
ewww... but what if it doesn't pass? or the op gets a bad case of constipation?
Resquall 0
What if you can't FIND it?
karina_said 0
then she's ******. again
purplehaze980 0
i agree that i didn't realize that the op is a girl, but now that I do , I still would post the same comment .
ThatWasPathetic 0
You could just stop sleep walking. I think that's a better option than moving.
dancingxthexmoon 0
I don't think that it'd be that easy
GreenDayRoxs 0
it's unconsiously done. I have a feeling snicks is gonna comment on that. :p
TempestJones 0
I agree with number 1... go see a doctor chica. That is really dangerous. thank god it was a nice old woman who found you and gave you a nightgown and not some serial rapist/murderer.
Giorgio272 2
clearly you have aids. just embrace it. now go get freaky with the kind old lady who helped you out.
applesmoothiee 2
ya dude
ThatOneAdamKid24 0
I wish I lived in that apartment... =x
maskedman 9
It's a good thing you're a woman. If you were a man you'd be registering as a sex offender right now. Then it wouldn't matter where you move.
MakaPaka_fml 0
Being a woman in this situation is also bad.
Intoxicunt 6
Yes, what #38 said. I'd rather be registering as a sex offender or trying to explain my situation to the cops than getting the rape kit done at the hospital or being killed.
redshortsx 0
your a girl and you sleep naked and you live alone WTF